The Great Indoors
by holygoof101
Summary: Finn Hudson never really had a plan for his life but at 28 his life certainly isn't like anything he'd ever expected. Living within in his own routine and inside his own shell is it possible for a light to break through and show him how to live again?
1. Chapter 1

_Check your pulse it's proof that you're not listening to  
The call your life's been issuing you  
The rhythm of a line of idle days  
Scared of a world outside you should go explore  
Pull all the shades and wander the great indoors_

Modest was the best way to describe the house that sat on the corner of Lilac Drive. It was nothing more than a small gray house. There were five steps up to the front porch that held a small patio table just to the right of the front door. If you opened the front door you were greeted by the sound of your shoes on the hardwood floor that spanned through the entire house, including the kitchen which was small to say the least and barely had room for the tiny round dining table. Past the kitchen there was a fairly new sectional sofa that took up almost the entire living room leaving just enough space for a coffee table, that more often than not served as a dining table, and the space preserving flat screen mounted to the wall.  
Down the hallway was a bathroom that had been completely renovated in order to add a shower without having to remove the claw foot tub that the real estate agent had insisted was huge selling point for the home. Past the bathroom you could keep going and walk straight into his bedroom. But if you decided to walk upstairs you were met by what really sold the house. Upstairs was a small loft style bedroom that was converted into an office of sorts. In the morning it got the first beams of sunlight through the single window placed in the center of the wall that overlooked his front yard. In front of that window sat a ratty old leather chair and that was his favorite spot in the house.

Sure the wallpaper was dated and starting to peel in spots. There were places on the walls were the paint was starting to chip and fade. All in all the house wasn't much. But it was his. And when Finn Hudson thought about it that house was the only thing he'd ever really been able to call his own. He was 28 year old and the only thing he knew truly belonged to him was that house. It was something he was reminded of every morning when he walked upstairs to sit in his father's old chair and have his morning coffee. On a normal morning he'd sit and drink his coffee as he looked out the window to watch the neighborhood kids get on the school bus. He'd wave to their parents and wait for the bus to leave before he left the room to get ready for work. He would go to work, and then he would come home and sit in that chair again to unwind. He had a routine one that didn't really vary from day to day, unless it was the weekend. Saturday's depending on the season after his coffee he would mow the lawn with the racketed old push mower in the garage, or remove the snow from his walkway and porch. His life was routine but routine meant stable and stable meant he never really had to worry about any surprises or deal with any change. He just wanted today to be a normal morning. But as the green SUV pulled into his driveway he was reminded that this was no normal morning.

"Finn! Finn!" He rubbed his temples as he heard her voice call his name. There was no need for him to call back at her, she knew where he was because it was the same place he was every morning.

"Finn!" His head snapped in the direction of the stairs as the three year old boy broke free from his mother's hand and charged towards him jumping into his lap and almost spilling coffee everywhere.

"What's up Jace?" He asked the child as he playfully ruffled his hair. "Hey Alison." He greeted before he sipped down the rest of his coffee and placed the cup on the windowsill.

Jace looked back at him and made as face as he tried to smooth out his hair, "Don't mess up my hair, mom will get mad cus we gotta go get on the plane so I can be a…" The boy paused and pressed his lips together as he squished up his face giving them impression that he was thinking hard. "Momma, what do I gotta be again?"

"A ring bearer Jace."

"That's it I gotta go be a ring bear."

Finn chuckled and ruffled the boys hair again, "I don't think you're going to go be a circus animal buddy. But hey if you are you shouldn't be a bear you should be something cool like a tiger."

"Oh mom can I be a tiger instead of a ring bear?"

The woman laughed and looked between her son and the man whose lap he was sitting in, "No you can't be a tiger, and being in a wedding is nothing like being in a circus."

"If you say so."

"Shut it Finn," she said in a playfully sharp manner as she pointed at his clothes and placed a hand on her hip. "I cannot believe you're not dressed. I said we'd be here by eight and if we miss the flight, we're going to miss the rehearsal dinner and then we will never hear the end of it."

"Ugh," he groaned and leaned his head back against the chair shaking it slightly. "I really don't want…"

"You really don't want to go, blah, blah, blah. I've been hearing that from you for months. However, my son is a ring bearer and if you miss your brother's wedding you mother and KURT will both have my head on a platter because for some reason you're my responsibility. Besides when was the last time you saw Kurt without him having to come to Ohio? Hell Finn, when was the last time you left Ohio? Or this house for that matter? I used to get it the whole hermit crab thing, and for a while I even thought it was kinda cute you were like that guy in all the Nicholas Sparks novels that just stayed holed up in his house alone and depressed until bam something spectacular and life changing happened to make you start living again but now… You're just kind of depressing." Alison tilted her head and shrugged at him softly, "I just worry about you sometimes."

Finn blew out a breath as he picked Jace up from his lap and put him on the ground before he stood up, "There's no reason to be worried about me. I'm fine. And I do leave the house, all the time. In fact I leave the house every day."

"Yes to go to work. Or the occasional Bengals or Reds game with Steve. Or the once in a blue moon that Puck friend of yours blows through town. But when was the last time you actually lived Finn?"

His eyes cut at her and he swallowed hard this was not the right approach to actually motivate him to leave the house. And it certainly wasn't a topic they needed to get into right then or ever as far as Finn was concerned. "Look I just don't like weddings. The last wedding I went to was my own and we know how that turned out." He sarcastically spit out a bit too harsh.

"The divorce was five years ago, really you have to stop using that as an excuse for everything at some point in your life."

"You really aren't winning any points with me right now," He remarked as he leaned down to quickly kiss her cheek. "But you are right my mother will kill me if I don't show up and my God I can hear Kurt on the phone now. So against my gut, which says has a really weird feeling about all of this, I'm going to go get dressed and maybe then you'll get off my back?"

"Tell me you're already packed too and I'll get off your back."

"Sure if that's what you want to hear I'm already packed." He shrugged and brushed passed her headed down the stairs.

"Finn Hudson!" Alison yelled as she grabbed a pillow off the futon in the office and chucked it in his direction, "I cannot believe you. Pack and pack quickly! We have twenty minutes before we need to leave this house and I am going with or without you and YOU can explain to YOUR mother and YOUR brother why you are still in Cincinnati and not Connecticut!"

Finn was already in his bedroom changing by the time Alison yelled out the word Connecticut. He couldn't explain why he was so hesitant about going to Kurt's wedding. He'd had months to prepare himself for it. And even though he still had a bad taste in his mouth over his own failed marriage, he still believed in marriage and fully believed that Kurt and Charlie were a couple that was going to make it. But he'd also thought the same thing when he'd gotten married or he wouldn't have done it. Yet he knew his own reservations about marriage weren't what were causing the knot in his gut over it all. He just had this feeling like something was going to happen, and he couldn't tell if the feeling leaned towards something good or something bad. It was just unsettling. But he'd promised Kurt long ago that he had his back, and that they were brothers. So he zipped up his bag and threw it over his shoulder as he made his way out of his bedroom despite his gut and his better judgment, which told him to stay in his house and stick to his daily routine.

A/N: So this isn't going where you're thinking it is I can tell you that right now. This is the short little start off chapter for a story that's been rolling around in my head for a while undergoing changes before it ever made it to story form. But I think I've got it all outlined in my head now and I'm excited to start putting the wheels in motion. Future chapters should be longer and I may end up changing the rating with future chapters. Hope you enjoy and stick with me. FYI the lyrics at the beginning, title and initial idea inspiration all come from the song Great Indoors by John Mayer.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: It's been awhile but apparently someone lit a fire under my ass to spark up this stories again so here goes nothing. Unbeta'd because apparently I'm too impatient for a beta...

"No! No! No! It's all wrong! The flowers go over there and the candles over there!" Kurt yelled at the staff setting up the wedding hall. "Charlie, this is all wrong can't anyone do anything right without me having to babysit them. I cannot let my wedding get ruined because everyone who works at this hotel is incompetent." He blew out a frustrated breath and tossed his hands up in the air.

Kurt's fiancé Charlie looked around the room and shrugged, "Does it really matter as long as the end result is that we're married?"

Kurt's eye went wide as his mouth dropped open, "Does it matter? Does it matter? Does it matter? Who am I even marrying?" His voice rising every time he yelled the phrase. "Why would you possibly even ask that question of course it matters. If everything isn't perfect, the pictures will look terrible and I WILL NOT spend the rest of my life looking at terrible pictures."

Charlie bit his lip and looked around for an escape as Kurt ranted, "Oh look it's Rachel and Mercedes, they're here. Thank God!" He pointed to the two girls and quickly charge forward to approach them the rubber on the soles of his shoes squeaking as he came to a stop in front of them. "Thank God you two are here. Kurt's fucking crazy right now. I mean I've seen him crazy, but right now he's like," Charlie moved his hands wildly in the air, "Fucking crazy. And I have no idea what to do with him. In other words HELP!"

Mercedes gave stifled laugh as she patted Charlie on the shoulder, "You only thought you knew what you were getting into marrying Kurt. Be prepared there's a lifetime of even worse a head of you." She laughed to herself as her eyes turned to Kurt adamantly directing a caterer. "I got this. Charlie you go sit down and get a break. Rachel head to the bar, glass of wine for Kurt, something for yourself and I'ma need a crown and diet coke because this is going to be one long rehearsal." She snapped her fingers and point, "Everyone go now."

Rachel smiled as she patted Charlie on the shoulder, "It's going to be okay, Mercedes can handle Kurt." she whispered softly in his ear as she walked him over to the nearest seat. "And once the wedding is over everything will go back to normal and Kurt will go back to being just the way he always has been which is a little less crazy than you're having to deal with right now." She eased the flustered man into a folding chair against the wall and smoothed down his hair. "I'm going to go fetch drinks. I have Kurt and Mercedes order can I get you anything? You at least need a bottle of water Charlie."

Charlie nodded vigorously as he sat down, "Water's good. Alcohol would be better but with Kurt being the way he is I should probably save that until tomorrow."

"Good idea," Rachel nodded as she patted his head. "I'll be right back with that water and then I will promptly deliver alcohol to your fiancée and his co maid of honor. Once that is done everything should be running smoothly." She flashed her best Broadway smile at him before she turned her heels and headed off in the direction of the bar.

"I need a bottle of water, a crown and coke, and glass of wine, red not white, white makes him sick and the last thing we need is him sick on top of the stress." Rachel rattled off as soon as she got to the bar. She couldn't help but smile to herself as she took a moment to take in her surrounds. Kurt was getting married. And though she had attended weddings before this one felt different because it was Kurt's someone she knew and loved. Someone who after the wedding was said and done she'd get to be a part of his life and see how everything played out after the wedding. Sure Kurt was in fact going Bridezilla on the hotel staff but that was to be expected. She and Mercedes had a long conversation on the train from New York to Connecticut about how crazy Kurt was bound to be when they got there and which one of them would be handling his crazy. They argument had hit a stalemate halfway through their trip and while Rachel had suggested a sing off with the winner to be determined by fellow passengers, a simple game of rock, paper, scissors determined to outcome as to which of them would be the one to handle Kurt. Mercedes ended up on the losing end leaving Rachel with alcohol duty. An easy task that she was more than ready to handle she thought to herself as she patiently waited on the drinks.

"EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME LADY!" The loud yell of a young child broke her from her thoughts and Rachel looked down as she felt the small hands tugging on her dress.

She smiled at the young child who couldn't have been more than three or four years old, "Yes? Are you lost honey?" She leaned down to bring herself closer to the little boy's level.

"No," the boy quickly removed his hands from her dress and tucked them in his pockets, "You're really pretty." He said sheepishly as a blush crawled over his face, "I was just wondering if you'd seen Mr. Kurt. See we just got here and I'm possed to be his ring bear and…"

"Jace! What did I tell you about running off from your mother and me!" The young boy's words were quickly cut off by the booming voice of a man who was clearly out of breath from trying to keep up with the young boy.

Both Rachel and the boy froze at his words the boy from sheer fear of punishment but Rachel froze for an entirely different reason. The voice it was that of a man. Not of the young man she'd known in high school but the man that young man had become and even with the age and gruff she'd have recognized it even if it had been calling out from New York City street corner. Her eyes closed as she placed her hand on the terrified child's shoulder. "It's okay I know exactly where Kurt is," she said quickly and smiled a reassuring smile before she drew in a deep breath and stood up straighten herself and coming face to face with a man from her past..  
"Rachel?" The booming voice that had yelled at the little boy became soft and gruff.

"Hello Finn," she forced a smile for a moment then bit down on her bottom lip. She had known it was him as soon as his voice sounded through the room. The voice he used to yell at the young boy was one she'd once imagined hearing him use to yell at their own children years ago when they had been together. Rachel quickly bit her lips as she forced the old memories and fantasies away.

"I- ah- I," She shook her head and pressed another smile as he stuttered and then pressed an unsure half smile at her, his eyes clearly searching for the next words to say.

"You were chasing after this fellow her I assume," she said as casually as possible and reached down to ruffle the young boy's hair before switching her voice into a curt and professional tone. "Well no there's no need. He's in safe hands and Mr. Jace has already informed me that he is our ring bearer. So if you don't mind I'm going to escort him over to Kurt where he will be able to learn what his duties as ring bearer entail." Her head nodded forward as she reached for the drinks on the bar. "So if you don't mind you can find us over there," she nodded as she began to pick up the drinks the glass of wine slipping from her hand.

Finn darted forward out of instinct to catch the glass as it started to fall, their skin making the briefest moment of contact before he quickly pulled away and tucked his in his pocket.

"If you need us." She nodded as he let go and turned making her way in the direction of Kurt with the young boy following in tow as she desperately tried to keep her questions and emotions intact.

Finn stood at the bar with his mouth hanging half opened as he watched Rachel and Jace make their way into the wedding hall.

"Are you okay?" he felt a hand graze again his back in a semi comforting manner.

"I'm fine," he responded his eyes still fixated on the doorway, watching as Rachel glanced over her shoulder the two locking eyes for what felt like an eternity before she disappeared into the hall and out of his view. "I just need a drink." Finn mumbled at Alison as he motioned for the bartender to make his way over to him.

00000 00000000

Rachel let out a sigh and closed her eyes as she leaned against the door of the empty conference room. Weddings were stressful and Kurt's was no exception, in fact it was probably the most stressful wedding ever. But it was over and everyone was off having fun at the reception down the hall. Rachel full intended to join them, but she needed a minute to catch her breath without having another camera in her face or Kurt turning another minor detail into a huge crisis. She blew out another breath as she relaxed against the door, wishing that she had grabbed a bottle of champagne or at least a drink to bring with her. Something to take the edge off, she didn't want to admit it to herself but a part of her knew she was hiding from Finn. The evening before had been awkward to say the least and she hadn't expected the flood of emotions seeing him would bring forth. After ten years she had hoped those emotions were buried so deep that nothing could flood them forward. But the second he'd given her that stupid half smile he'd always used she knew she was in trouble.

"Ahem…"

Rachel jumped slightly at the sound of a throat being cleared. Her eyes grew wide as she looked in the direction of the sound full prepared to give some speech about wandering into the wrong room until she saw Finn sitting in the back corner out of the view to anyone who was to just glance in the room. "Finn? I… What are you doing in here?" She paused looking for words as her mind raced, her hand reaching for the door knob ready to slip out of the room as quickly as she slipped in.

"By the looks of it, the same thing you're trying to do... Hiding. " He said gruffly before kicking out the chair across from him. "There's too many people out there, I'm tired out shaking hands and awkward introductions. Drink?" He asked as he held up a bottle of champagne at her.

"Oh you're my hero right now," Rachel laughed as she slumped into the chair and looked around for a glass. "It's insanity out there."

"No glasses. Bottle or bust." Finn laughed slightly and shot her a bit of a grin before he shook his head and shrugged, "I'd expect no less than insanity from Kurt, some people never change."

"True," she responded as took a long drink from the bottle and placed it back in between them, an awkward silence falling over the room. They had barely exchanged any words the day before and now they were sitting together just the two of them and bottle of champagne. Rachel didn't even know where to start a conversation. How do you catch up with someone you haven't seen in ten years? Someone you'd been madly in love with at one point in your life. Someone who still looked exactly the same except the innocence in his eyes had been replaced by something Rachel couldn't exactly figure out.

"I hate weddings," he said finally breaking the awkward silence between them before he reached for the bottle, taking a long sip before he pushed it back in Rachel's direction.

Rachel furrowed her brow and tilted her head in a questioning manner before she sighed and relaxed back into her chair, "Well I guess after you've gotten your own out of the way they kind of lose their appeal… You're wife's pretty… Alison… I think that's what Kurt called her yesterday."

Finn blew a scoff out through his nose and shook his head reaching the bottle and slugging more down before answering her, "Alison's not my wife. And I'm not married anymore. Guess you missed that memo it's about five years old." His voice bitter as he raised his hand and pointed to his empty ring finger trying to make a question out of the touchy subject.

"Oh," Rachel responded softly and shrugged. "I didn't know. After Kurt came home from your wedding I just… Well I stopped asking about you. It hurt too much. I know it had been years since we'd broken up and we didn't even date for that long but… You were my first love and," she reached took the champagne and drank several small sips before she pulled the bottle away and looked at it for a moment before she looked back at him biting her lip. "A part of me was always holding onto hope that one day you would show up in New York and sweep me off my feet the way you'd done during junior year. We'd forget the past, make a future and have this wonderful love story. Then I found out you were getting married and well…" She held up the champagne bottle to him before bringing it to her lips and finishing off what was left of the bitter drink that had long grown warm.

Finn felt his eyes narrow as she watched Rachel drink, her words rolling around in his head and causing the bitterness inside him to begin to bubble."Yea real life's not some fucking love story. In real life every time you think you've met the girl of your dreams something bad happens. In real life every girl you've ever been in love with leaves you. In real life you don't get the girl. In real life you think you've gotten the girl and you're crazy about and you're in love and you think you're finally over all the other girls who screwed you over and you're over that one girl who just left. Who just left and left your heart broken and didn't even think to ask if you were planning to go with her. She just left. But eventually you get over that and then you find THE girl and she's the one. And she gets pregnant, and you're thrilled and you rush to get married as soon as you can because this time you're capable of taking care of a family and this time you think you might be able to figure this whole thing out so you're happy. Then she loses the baby, you get divorced and a year later she marries your best friend. And you feel like life's just kicked you in the teeth one more time. Like fate is just giving you the middle finger. Real life's not some fucking fairytale love story Rachel. I took my head out of those clouds about five years ago."

Rachel swallowed hard and pursed her lips together, "I didn't know about that." She paused to study his face again wanting nothing more than to reach forward and hug him for comfort but letting the decade of distance between them keep her instincts at bay.

"Well like we've already established it's been ten years I wouldn't expect you to know any of it." Finn said with a bitter sigh and looked at the empty bottle between them. "You drank all my champagne. I guess that means we have to go join the madhouse now."

Rachel pressed a smile at him as she shook her head, "I have an idea. Don't move." She pointed before standing up and gracefully exiting the room.  
Finn wasn't sure what Rachel was up to but if it meant he got to stay hidden away from all of the people in the next room over, then he was willing to go along with just about any idea Rachel had.

Rachel ducked into the hallway and looked from side to side to check if anyone was lingering around before she quickly moved down the hall towards the kitchen. Moments later she returned to the conference room she and Finn had been hiding it and proudly held up two bottles of champagne.

"Oh my god Finn Hudson? I haven't seen you in what ten years? How have you been?" She broadly grinned as she moved back to her seat across from him.

Finn shook his head lightly and watched in awe as she uncorked the first bottle. A feeling of warmth he was certain had nothing to do with the alcohol washed over him. As he felt his lips curl into a smile, Rachel Berry always had been full of surprises.

"Look you're smiling. Good. Now seriously all that bad stuff is out of the way, tell me how you've been. Where are you living now? Back in Lima? Because I've been home quite a few times and I haven't seen you around."

"Cincinnati. I co-own a sporting goods store. FS Sports and Equipment. The first year we were open we sponsored a little league team and one of the assistant coaches for the Reds son was on the team. Now we deal equipment to the Reds and the Bengals. It's nothing exciting but we do alright. I bought a house four years ago. Puck actually helped me fix it up."

"Puck? He's not dead or in jail by now?"

"Nope. Our first summer out of college he took his bar mitzvah money and put a down payment on this old shell of house in downtown Lima, spent the summer fixing it up, then sold it. Realized he could make money doing that, after a few houses he realized he could buy a couple of house rent them out and never have to work. He travels a lot considers himself retired. Every so often he blows into Cincinnati and sleeps on my couch. Because despite owning homes, he's actually homeless. After my divorce he stayed with me for a while. Made sure I didn't drink myself to death…"

Rachel cleared her throat and reached over for the champagne bottle her hand colliding with Finn's as she did. "Sorry," she said softly pulling away and tilting her head toward. "And that's all fine and dandy about Puck but I didn't ask what he was up to, I asked about you."

"I was getting there," he smiled and shrugged slightly before he took a swig from the bottle and placed it back on the table. "Anyway he's the one who convince me to buy my house. It was this old beater of a place near Hyde Park. It's not much, two bedrooms, one bath. The kitchen's tiny and I barely have a backyard. It's still not much to look at but it was a whole lot worse when I bought it." He drew in a breath and cracked a half smile at her as he shrugged. "It's nothing special but it's mine. And it's something no one can take away from me. Well except the bank if I don't pay the mortgage but..."

Rachel watched as Finn went on a ramble about his house. He wasn't making a big deal of it but she could hear the pride in his voice, it reminded her of the way he used to talk about Glee. Even though he was talking about his house and his adult life for a moment they were both sixteen again, and it was all Rachel could do to stop the feelings of sixteen year old self from pushing forward. "It sounds like a great place Finn; I'll have to come see it one day." She stopped and her face dropped slightly as she realized the implications in her word. "I mean if you..."

"You should totally come see it one day if you're ever in Ohio. Well I mean in Cincinnati since apparently you still go back to Ohio." Finn grinned then titled his head forward. "What about you? How's Broadway?"

"How do you know I'm on Broadway?" She quipped raising her eyebrows at him.

"Because if there's one thing about you I never doubted it's that you were going to be some huge Broadway star." Finn wiggled his head as he took down the remainder of their second bottle of champagne and began to uncork the other one she's snuck into the room.

Rachel bit her lips at him and toyed with the table cloth for a moment, "Well you were right to have never doubted my talent. The first few years in New York were a struggle. I even had to get a job to support myself and I don't know what I would have done without Kurt and Mercedes. But all the auditioning and pacing the pavement started paying off a few years ago. This year might even be my year to win a Tony." She held up crossed fingers and shook them in the air as she spoke. "Of course if those responsible had half a brain they would have noticed years ago that I am far superior to half of the people who've won the award before me."

Finn hung his head down and laugh, "You are still the same Rachel Berry I knew some things..." His words were cut off by Rachel's hand clasping over his mouth.

"Rachel! Rachel!" Mercedes voice echoed into the room from the hallway.

"Don't say a word." Rachel whispered as she stared down the door listening as the footsteps got close.

"Oh shit," Mercedes exclaimed as she pushed her way into the conference room and spotted Finn and Rachel frozen in place, Rachel's hand still over Finn's mouth. "I don't even want to know. It's picture time and Kurt is having a damn aneurysm because no one can find you. So just zip your clothes back up and get a move on."

"We've just been talking." Finn started to explain as they stood up.

"En-en, no explanations just move. Don't make me go all drill sergeant on your ass. I got abandoned with Bridezilla. Pictures both of you now!" Mercedes pointed to the hallway and the threesome began walking back towards the reception.

"Where the hell have you been?" Kurt called out as soon as Rachel was in his line of sight. "It doesn't matter now," he waved his hand in the air grabbed both the girls by the shoulder. "Just stand here and look like this is the happiest moment of your lives."

Finn smiled and watched for a moment as Kurt and the girls posed for a picture taking in the sight of Rachel in her bridesmaid dress and committing the image to memory like it was the last time he's ever see her. When he was sure he had a clear recollection he began to quietly walk towards the bar.

"Where do you think you're going?" Finn froze at Kurt's words and swiftly turned around.

"Um, the bar?"

"Oh no sir. You are needed for pictures. I need a family picture and while we're all standing here I want one of the four of this. A semi reunion of the McKinley High's New Directions." Kurt stamped his foot down and pointed to the spot next to him. "You. Here. Now. No arguing."

"Okay, okay," Finn held his hands up before tucking them in his pockets and moving to the spot next Mercedes.

"No, no, no, that's not going to work," Kurt fussed before grabbing Finn and moving him in between him and Rachel. "That's better, now look happy damn it!"

Finn laughed as he took his hands from his pockets, wondering for a moment where to put them before casually letting his arm drape over Rachel's shoulder. He felt Rachel tuck in against him as they waited for the flash to go off.

"Now that's over someone get me another glass of champagne stat!" Kurt yelled as he broke away from the group to hunt down a server with Finn following behind him on the same mission.

"Hey," Finn quickly turned around to see Rachel tugging on his shirt. "I know this is a long shot but would you dance with?"

"I'm still a terrible dancer," he told her as her hand slowly slipped into his.

"I was counting on that," Rachel laughed as both their eyes travelled down to their entwined hands.

"Well then I guess you're prepared. Hopefully your feet are too."

Sometimes years can feel like mere minutes and in that moment as they made their way to the dance floor the decade between Finn and Rachel turned into minutes. Her head rested softly against his chest. His hands awkwardly placed on her back as the music guided them into a state of peace. For that moment no one else in the world existed and anyone who looked at them could tell.

"What is that?" Alison tapped Kurt's shoulder as he sucked down his drink.

"What is what?"

"That!" She pointed to Finn and Rachel on the dance floor. "In all the years I've known Finn I've never seen him dance, not even once! So what is that?"  
Kurt looked to the dance floor and studied the couple. Even if he wanted to go break them up he wasn't about to. It was the first time he'd seen Finn even close to happy in years. "That my dear Alison is history. And it looks to me like it's catching up with the present."


	3. Chapter 3

"What?" Finn said in an exasperated tone as he looked up from his next to notice his friend and business partner Steve giving him a look. It was the same looked Steve had been giving him for the last two and a half weeks. A look like he was waiting for Finn to say something or had a question he wanted Finn to answer without the question having to be asked.

"Nothing." Steve said casually as he returned to the monitor in front of him for a split second before he slammed it closed and turned to study Finn's face. "I've just been waiting for you to tell me about the from Kurt's wedding. The one Alison said you were making kissy face with." He hung his tongue out at Finn for a moment before pushing his rolling chair over to Finn's desk. "Come man spill. I haven't seen you so much as talk to a girl in years and now you're dancing? You didn't even dance at your wedding I know I was there! So if your dancing it's a big deal and don't tell me it's not. "

"It was nothing," Finn responded as he blew out a breath and ran a tired hand down over his face before looking at Steve and letting out a small growl. "She's someone I knew in high school okay. And I hadn't seen in a long time. We talked she asked if I would dance with her so I did. That's it. Nothing more. And nothing to make a big deal out of. I haven't even talked to her since the wedding alright?"

"Okay, okay," Steve said as he held his hands up in a shielding manner. "Just some girl from high school you danced with. Got it. No more questions. No need to get defensive." The two men had been friends since their freshman year of college so if there was anything Steve knew it was when not to push Finn for more information.

"Good," Finn mumbled as he returned to the inventory paperwork in front of him trying in vain to focus on it. Seeing Rachel again had been a big deal. The emotions she stirred in him had been the kind of emotions he'd been trying to keep buried for years. But he wasn't about to admit to anyone that he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since the wedding. He beat himself up the whole flight home for not asking for a number where he could get a hold of her. And every time he stopped and thought about her he felt the way she had slipped her hand into his before she asked him to dance. He knew that if he really wanted to talk to her again he could call Kurt and get her phone number but at the same time if she had wanted to talk to him again she could do the same. But it was better that their moment stay frozen in time. The last thing Rachel needed was someone as screwed up and damaged as him. And he figured she probably saw how screwed up and damaged he was during their encounter at the wedding and decided it was best they not try to carry on any kind of contact.

But her eyes, the way she had looked at him. The way she felt pressed against him, he couldn't just forget that. It had been almost a month since the wedding and he still saw her every night when he closed his eyes to go to sleep know; no matter how hard he tried to shake the image. The vision of her had become as much a part of his daily routine as his coffee in the morning and to be honest with himself no matter how much he didn't like it, he didn't want it to fade either. A sharp breath left his lungs as he tried to refocus on his paperwork. It would go away in time though, he told himself before glancing over to catch Steve giving him that look again.

"Hey, Mr.H," Finn's head snapped up as the young shaggy blonde haired boy that worked their front office after school entered into the office space. "There's a lady out there asking for you," the boy mumbled as he tried to swallow whatever he was chewing. "And I don't know who she is but she's hot and she's got these awesome cookies."

Finn sat straight up in his chair and cocked his head back, as Steve cocked a questioning eyebrow at him. "Cookies?" Finn asked as he started to stand from his chair. There was only one girl he knew that made cookies and well it couldn't be, he thought to himself as he looked back at Steve and then nodded towards the office door before he quickly walked towards the front of the building.

Steve raised an eyebrow as he stood up from his desk and walked to the office window seeing the dark haired woman patiently waiting at the counter with a plate of cookies in her hand. She looked like the woman Alison had described from the wedding or at least how he would have pictured the woman from the wedding to have looked like. His fingers kept the blinds pried open as he watched Finn emerge from the hallway and giving the woman a surprised embrace. He didn't know who this woman was but when the embrace broke and he caught a good look at the smile on Finn's face one thing was for sure she definitely was a big deal.

A nervous ball formed in the pit of Rachel's stomach as she stood at the front counter of Finn's sporting goods store waiting for him to come out of the office. She tried not to let fear wash over her as she wondered for a moment if he would even come out. She reached forward and took one of the business cards from the holder on the counter. It was exactly like the one Kurt had given her before he'd left on his honeymoon. She hadn't asked him for it but she hadn't had too. She could tell by the look that Kurt had given her when he handed it to her that he knew she was going to ask for one, whether he thought it was a good idea or not.

Now she found herself standing in a sporting goods store in Cincinnati waiting for a man she'd only seen once since high school to emerge from his office. At that thought the panic set in. What if he didn't want to see her? What if the moment she'd thought they'd shared was just in her head? She knew he was bitter about the way he'd been treated by the women in his life and that somewhere in the timeline she was one of those women. So what if he walked out and told her to get lost, or that she was wasting her time or… Her body went rigid as she huffed out a breath and tried to calm down her racing thoughts. She had to see, she was compelled to see. Even before the wedding, even when she hadn't seen him in ten years, even when she thought he was still married and it hurt she still thought about him all the time. Rachel couldn't explain it, not to herself or anyone who might ask because all she knew was she had needed to see him again. She had to see if the moment was just a moment that had simply come and gone.

And her question was answered as soon as she saw his figure step out of the hallway and his face light up as he made his way toward her. It was a reaction she hadn't expected and when his arms wrapped around her in an embrace it was a feeling she couldn't explain. She buried her face against his shoulder and inhaled his scent as he hugged her. Some things never changed and right then in that moment she was transporter back to high school and the first time he kissed her. The first time she'd ever gotten to really take in the way he felt against her and the way he smelled. The memories his scent triggered almost made her forget that they were no longer kids and instead adults that now barely knew each other standing in front of one another.

"What are you doing here?" Finn asked his voice a little too high as he broke their embrace. His head was still spinning from the shock of seeing Rachel standing right before him.

"I was in the neighborhood." Rachel said casually and gave him a slightly shrug. She watched Finn tilt his head a bit towards her and before he even had the chance to ask the question the words started tumbling from her mouth. "It's Daddy's birthday weekend. So I had taken a couple of days off to come home and surprise him. But when I got to the house they weren't there. I guess I probably should have let Dad in on my surprise for Daddy because when I called I was politely informed that they are in Wisconsin at some retreat for the weekend. Then when I put my phone back in my purse I found your business bard that Kurt had given me and I figured I was already in Lima, and Lima and Cincinnati aren't that far apart so I…"

"So you made cookies and then came here?" Finn finished her sentence with a small laugh as his eyes crinkled a bit showing his age.

"Well you said I should come see your house if I was ever in the neighborhood and Ohio is kinda the neighborhood." She shrugged slightly and looked around starting to feel slightly uncomfortable and realizing that she had just shown up and intruded in of his life without even so much as a phone call. The fears she'd tried to quell when she was waiting for him to come out started to bubble up again. "I can just leave the cookies and go if you're busy I mean it's…" Her body started to shift towards the door.

"Rachel," he said reaching out to grip her hand to stop her from turning towards the door. His heart pounded a bit in his chest and he tightened his grip on her. "It's fine. I'm just surprised." A half smile crossed his lips, and she smiled back softly the simple action putting them both a bit more at ease. "Really surprised and I'd love for you to see my house. You remember Alison and Jace the woman and little boy I was with at Kurt's wedding?" He released his grip on her wrist and waited for her to nod an affirmative before he continued on. "I promised Jace I'd go to the Reds game with Steve and Alison and him tonight but you can come. We have an extra ticket. We always have an extra ticket because they're always hoping I'll bring someone but I never do and," Finn caught himself rambling out and quickly took a breath to compose himself. "You wanna come to the Reds game with us tonight? It's baseball and not Broadway but it should keep you entertained for a few hours."

Rachel felt herself melt as he shrugged and gave her a half smile. All the time that had passed and Finn Hudson still made her feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. She still wasn't entirely sure what had made her feel so compelled to see him again but she was glad she did. "I'd love to," was her response as she nodded vigorously at him and bit down softly on her lip.

"Good," he glanced back at the office door to see Steve peering through the blinds. He glanced back to Rachel then back at Steve and repeated the action as he tucked his hands into his pockets. Now he just had to figure out how to explain the situations. He had to explain Rachel to Steve and Alison and well Steve and Alison to Rachel. "Give me a few minutes to finish some stuff up and we can go get something to eat because before we go anywhere with Steve and Alison," his voice becoming unsure as he paused and looked down at Rachel. He wasn't sure how well this was going to go over but if she didn't take it well then he wouldn't have to do any real explaining to Steve and Alison, so he was going to start with Rachel. "There's probably something I should tell you."


	4. Chapter 4

Rachel sat with her mouth slightly agape in the passenger seat of Finn's truck as she slowly processed the informed Finn had just entrusted her with. She wasn't sure how to take it all, and she could tell by the tense was he gripped the steering wheel as he took the turns into his neighborhood that he fully expected her to freak out. Rachel licked her dry lips and brushed a lock her of dark hair behind her ear as she looked over to him. "So," she paused to clear her throat, "Steve is your business partner and your best friend and he's married to Alison who is by all accounts your ex wife." Her words came out almost as a question. "Please don't tell me Jace is your son." There was a slightly laugh at the end of her sentence.

"No, no he's one hundred percent Steve's I swear." Finn rambled out and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. From the corner of his eye he looked to Rachel silently wondering to himself if she was ready to leap out of the car and run at the next complete stop.

"I'm not surprised." She finally said after a few moments of silence. "Some people might be but I'm not surprised in the slightest. While I'm sure it bothered you and hurt you to have to endure that, forgiveness has always been in your nature. If anyone was going to be able to forgive and accept a situation such as yours it would be you." She pressed a smile at him before her attention turned to the house the truck was now parked in front of. "Is this is?" Rachel asked as her soft smile began to grow wider.

Finn let out a sigh of relief as he put the truck in park and looked over to Rachel. She had never ceased to amaze him, not once in the years he knew her and now her reaction to his news as if it were a normal situation just amazed him all over again. His eyes turned to his house and he nodded his head in its direction. "Yep this it is, I told you it wasn't much." He shrugged a small bit.

"It's…" She let out a breath as she tried to find the words to describe the small gray home in front of her. The home that belonged to Finn. The home, that no matter how much he shrugged sitting in the truck with her, she knew he took a great amount of pride in. "It's very you." Her lips curved into a larger smile as she clapped her hands together then lightly pushed on his shoulder. "Come on I want to see the inside."

"Alright," Finn said as they got out of the car and he led her up the five concrete steps of his porch and to his front door. "I promise I keep it clean so it's not going to look like a frat house or anything inside."

Rachel laughed at his comment as she watched him fumble with his keys. There was a nervous energy in the air between them. She was about to walk into his house for the first time, and he was about to show her his house for the first time. They weren't teenagers sneaking around; they were adults doing a very adult thing. Rachel fought the urge to smooth down a cal lick on the back of his hair as he pushed the door open the let her in.

Finn spread his arms out in a welcoming manner before he pointed to the left, "Welcome to my living room. Kitchen's that way there's some take out containers and a few drinks. Bathroom and my bedroom are down the hall. I'll show you what's up stairs in a second but feel free to walk around. I'm going to call Steve real quick let them know what the plan for the game is and everything. Help yourself to anything you can find." He gave her a quick half smile as he walked a few steps away to pull out his cell phone and call Steve. His eyes never left Rachel as he made the call. He watched her take in his house; she walked like she was walking on eggshells afraid she might break something even though there was nothing of real value in his house except maybe his television. But even with her careful walk she fit in so well in the surroundings, surroundings that belonged to him. His breath hitched as he caught sight of her standing in the kitchen looking at the pictures and menus hung up on the refrigerator with magnets.

Rachel carefully traced her fingers over one of the pictures; it was of Finn with Steve and Alison all three wearing some kind of Greek lettering and face paint. It was obviously taken during college, she wondered for a moment when during college it was taken. She wondered at what point in her life and where she had been when it was taken. And for the briefest of moments she let her mind wander and wonder how well she would have fit into a picture like this.

Her thoughts were snapped away as she felt Finn's presence behind her. "That was the Greek Wars, sophomore year." He said as if he could read her mind to answer a question she hadn't asked. "Right before Alison and I started dating. Steve was a junior. We roomed together from my second semester all the way until he graduated. He was the one who recruited me into the frat and at the first rush party of the year we met Alison. She was rushing the sister sorority. The three of us, we were all best friends. Even after Alison and me started dating we all stayed best friends. It was never like anyone was a third wheel." Finn paused and looked down at Rachel an honest half smile coming across his face, "It still isn't." He said softly before he nodded towards the stairs. "Come on I want to show you what sold me on this house." He reached down and without a second thought took Rachel's hand and began to tug her towards the staircase.

"I didn't go to their wedding. I actually regret it now because both of them have down everything they could to be a support system for me even if I didn't want it. But the morning they got married I was closing on this house. I was hurt and it felt like everything I got just kept getting taken away from me. First Quinn and the baby I thought was mine, and then you, then Alison and our baby and they were happy. They were honestly happy. And I hated them for it. I just wanted something I could call mine." He released her hand as they got to the top of the stairs. "The moment I walked into this room was when I knew this house could be something I could call mine."

Rachel fought back tears at his confession to her, the pain and the loneliness in his eyes breaking her heart. "Your dad's chair." She whispered as she pointed to the leather chair that sat near the window.

"I have my coffee there every morning. Look out that window and just watch the world outside move around me. Sometimes," he moved forward and gave a kick to the futon against the wall before he sat down on it. "Sometimes I even sleep right here. This room it's just peaceful. The world outside keeps moving but this room… This room never changes on me." His eyes followed Rachel as she moved gracefully around the room her body coming to a halt as she stopped at a picture hung on the wall.

"This is from our first Regionals," she whispered and lightly traced the frame with her finger before looking back at him. "I can't believe you still have that. Let alone have it displayed." Rachel whispered as she moved to sit down next to him, the feeling of the heat from his body making her heart race and her mouth go dry. All these years and he still had a picture of them. He still had a picture of them hanging in the room he considered his most peaceful place. She didn't know what to say about it or if there was anything to say about it. But her heart pounded as her body shifted closer to him.

"Some things you don't want to forget," he said softly as he swallowed and tilted his head down. "Some things you never forget." His voice whispered and again it was as if he were reading her mind. Rachel tongue darted out to wet her lips as he leaned down and she tilted her head up, the air around them completely still as their faces came closer, the feeling of his breath sent a shiver down her spine as their lips came within millimeters of each others.

"Fiiiiiinnnnnnn!"

They both jumped as a young voice cried out Finn's name followed by the sound of a door being slammed. Rachel leaned forward and pressed her face into Finn's shoulder from a moment and she felt his chest groan, then laugh slight. "Guess its game time." He mumbled giving her an apologetic half smile and waiting for his breath to come back to him before he stood up. "Come on." He said and extended his hand out to her, their moment broken up by no means forgotten. "It'll be fun I promise."

"Okay, I'm trusting you on this one." Rachel stand as she took his hand and let him help her up before they started down the stairs.

"Wait!" Finn stopped dead in his tracks and turned to rush back up the stairs. He returned almost before Rachel had a chance to process he was gone. "Here you go," he said as he placed a Reds hat onto her head and pushed her hair back behind her ears with a wide grin sprawled across his face. "Now you're ready."

"Ready? Sure if looking ridiculous ready," she joked as she poked her elbow into his side and they made their way downstairs to leave.

000000 00000 0000

Yawns could be heard throughout the truck as Finn pulled into the driveway of Steve and Alison's modest family home. "Are we home," the tired voice of the three year old boy in the back seat mumbled as they came to a stop.

"Yes sweetie, we're home. Come on we need to get you to bed." Alison said softly as she smoothed her hand over the boy's head.

"Finn, will you tuck me in. Please."

"Ah," Finn stuttered as he looked over to Rachel, then to the back seat.

"Finn, can tuck you in next time buddy. He needs to get Ms Rachel home." Steve answered not giving the situation time to get any more awkward for Rachel then he was sure it already was.

Rachel looked to the back seat as she reached over and ran her hand over Finn's. "No, it's okay. I'm in no hurry and actually would it be alright if I used your bathroom?" She politely asked giving the three passengers in the back seat a soft smile.

"Absolutely," Alison smiled back as she unbuckled her seat belt. "Follow me I'll show you the bathroom while the guys put Jace to bed."

The two women were silent as Rachel followed Alison into the house. Rachel could blame their silence on the hour of the night but really she knew it had to be awkward for her as well. As far as Rachel could tell Finn hadn't dated since the divorce and now his ex wife was leading the first girl he brought out in years into home her. Rachel took a deep breath as she walked into the house; yes it was definitely a bit weird.

"Excuse the mess, we were expecting company," Alison remarked as she turned on the lights. "The bathroom's just down the hallway there, first door on your left."

"Thank you," Rachel smiled as she made her way down the hallway catching quick glances of the pictures on the wall. Wedding pictures from her and Steve's wedding, baby pictures of Jace, but the one that caught her eye was one of Steve, Alison and Finn at their college graduation. A small pit formed in her stomach as she realized that Finn and Alison's were married at the time that picture was taken and had she not been wearing the graduation gown you might have even been able to see the faintest of evidence that she was carrying Finn's child.  
The thought wasn't one Rachel wanted to dwell on. It was years ago, she hadn't been in the picture for years and it wasn't a situation that had concerned her. She tried to focus in on that thought. As she finished up in the bathroom all other thoughts were erased from her mind as she heard Finn's voice blending with Jace's and echoing softly down the hall.

"Take me out to the ball game. Take me out to the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks. I don't care if I never get back..."

Rachel leaned against the hallway wall, closing her eyes and letting out a soft sigh as her lips curled into a smile. Just the sound of his voice still melted her heart and the way it blended with the young boy's had been something she used to imagine him doing when they had children. Granted she had never imagined the song to be Take Me Out to the Ball Game.

"It's Jace's favorite song probably because he's been going to baseball games since before he could walk." Alison said as she caught sight of Rachel in the hallway. "Every night Finn stays long enough to tuck him in they have to sing it. Finn has to sing the whole thing and then they have to sing the chorus three times before Jace will go to bed." She held up three fingers at Rachel then nodded back towards the kitchen. "Steve went up to bed and they're going to be a few minutes. Can I get you a cup of coffee?"

"I'd like that, thank you." Rachel accepted the offer and turned to follow her into the kitchen.

"I'm not a threat to you," Alison said as she took cups from the cabinet and poured coffee for herself and Rachel. "It has to be a little strange for you. You were his high school love reconnecting with him and on your first date he's taking you out with his ex wife and her child and husband."

"Oh tonight wasn't a date." Rachel said quickly in a hope to end any assumptions.

"If that's what you two want to think that's fine. But I saw the way he was looking at you all night. And the way you were looking at him. Trust me tonight was a date. And I just want you to know that I'm no threat. I love my husband, and I love my son and I would never do anything to jeopardize that."

Rachel quietly sipped her coffee as she gave the woman in front of her a questioning glance. "If you don't mind me asking how did... I mean what... I'm not sure how to ask..."

"I never cheated on him. On Finn. He and I were over before anything ever happened with Steve. After I lost the baby Finn shut me out. He started bottling everything up. Building these walls around himself." Rachel watched as the emotions in Alison's eyes changed and drifted into the past.

"I tried to make it work. I tried to tell him and show him that losing the baby wasn't either of our faults and that I still loved him. But he just shut down. He told me once it didn't matter because every time he got a taste of happiness it was just going to be taken from him. Then he gave up. I was grieving too and instead of being my shoulder he just gave up." Alison paused and took a deep breath the memories surfacing obviously painful. "I never wanted to be someone who got divorce. Let alone someone who's marriage didn't even make it a year but I couldn't keep trying and I couldn't keep getting shut out. It hurt too much. So I moved out of our apartment and asked for a divorce. And Steve, well he was caught in the middle of it all. The three of us had been such great friends all through college and he didn't want to choose sides so he tried to be there for both of us. But just like I had lost my husband when Finn shut down, Steve had lost his best friend. So we turned into each other's shoulders and somewhere along the line we just... Fell in love. We didn't plan it or expect it. It just kinda happened." Alison's melancholy expression slowly turned into a smile as the memories she was reliving turned sweeter. "Sometimes the path you chose isn't the one you end up on. I thank God every night for Steve. Finn hardly spoke a word to either of us until Jace was born. It's funny how a child can change so much around you."

Rachel ran her finger over the handle of her coffee mug and glanced down the hall for any sign of Finn before turning her attention back to Alison. "When you and Steve got married that was when Finn bought his house."

"He bought that damn house and has kept himself locked inside it as much as possible ever since. Until now. I love my family and I want nothing more than for them to be happy. Finn just so happens to be a part of that family. I don't know what it is about you and I don't care because you..." Alison pointed a finger at Rachel and tried to conceal a smile. "You make him happy. Happier than I've seen him in a long time." Her smile faded quickly and she made a gesture to signal Rachel Finn was coming up behind her.

"You ready," Finn asked Rachel the words coming out in half a yawn. He watched as Rachel nodded and said her goodbyes to Alison. "Tell Steve I'll see him at the store on Monday."

"Will do. It was lovely meeting you Rachel, next time we'll plan it a little bit better." Alison grinned at her presumptuous words as she waved to them walking out the door.

0000 0000000 00000000

"You didn't have to stay at a hotel," Finn told Rachel as he pulled up to the front of the hotel she had booked for herself. "You could have stayed at my house. I have a couch, and a futon, and a bed. You could have slept in any one of those." He pressed a smile and the realized the words he had just said. "I mean I could have slept on the couch or the futon if you had wanted the bed," he began to ramble out.

Rachel laughed and shook her head. "It's okay Finn I know what you meant. But I was showing up unannounced I didn't want to just assume. I mean I'm sure it's rare you have overnight guests."

"Never actually, unless Puck or Jace counts. But you could have called first and then it wouldn't have been assuming."

"I didn't want…" Rachel stopped midsentence before she had the chance to stumble over her words. Again the air between the stood still and this time Rachel held her breath in anticipation.

"You didn't want what?" Finn asked cocking his head back at her, his defense starting to go up as his mind raced at how she could possibly finish her sentence. She didn't want to be depressed? Didn't want to be a part of his damage? His thoughts pushed him to assume.

"I didn't want you to tell me not to come," she said softly and watched as Finn's twisted expression relaxed into a smile.

"I don't think I would have been able to tell you not to come. Even if I hadn't wanted you to." Finn let out a sigh again thinking he had said the wrong thing. Words were not his strong suit right then. "I had good time tonight Rachel."

"I had a really great time too. Best time I've had in a while. I've really missed you Finn Hudson." The air around them began to move again and Rachel began to wonder if the moment they shared in Finn's home had just been nothing more than a moment. It was a thought she didn't want to dwell on or explore right then. If nothing else she wanted to get out of his truck on the best note possible. If she never saw him again she wanted to remember exactly how happy and easy everything seems right there in his truck. So instead of lingering around she reached over and placed her hand on the door handle to push the door half open. "I should get some sleep. My Dads will be home tomorrow and I'm sure it will be non-stop activities until I head back to New York Monday." Her body turned to get out of the car.

"Hey Rachel," he said as he reached out to grab her wrist and stop her from getting to far away from him. "Next time. I want you to assume." Their eyes met and the couple smiled at each other, the electricity back in the air but neither quite sure how to proceed with the moment. It had been years since Finn had even thought more than a couple of days into his future and now he was basically asking Rachel to tell him there would be a next time. His grip on her wrist relaxed and her hand slid up his arm to reach his face. Their eyes stayed locked on each other as her fingers traced over the contours of his face and ghosted over his lips.

"Next time." Rachel whispered as she slowly traced her fingers over his lips then removed her hand. Finn nodded and smiled as she got out of the car and closed the door. He sat still in his truck watching her until she disappeared inside, his body still feeling the fire her light touch had created. "Next time," he whispered as her words rang over and over in his head.


	5. Chapter 5

An unfamiliar sound echoed of the faded walls of the foyer as Steve let himself into Finn's house. Steve knew as well as anyone that at 7:45am on a Monday morning Finn would be sitting upstairs in that ratty leather chair drinking coffee and watched his neighbors do their usual morning tasks, which to be honest if Steve were one of Finn's neighbors he'd find Finn's morning routine slightly creepy.  
But on that morning Steve's ears were met with an unfamiliar sound, one so unfamiliar in that setting that it took him a moment to register what he was hearing. Laughter. It was the sound of Finn's laugh echoing from upstairs. And then after the laughter there were words, like Finn was talking to someone or possibly himself. Steve wasn't quite sure all he knew was it wasn't something he'd ever heard before walking into Finn's house, let alone at 7:45 on a Monday morning.

"Alright, well you go do your thing God knows if you're late he's going to freak out. And if he finds out I was what was keeping you he's going to freak out on me too." Finn spoke into the phone as let out a laugh as he finished his sentence. Steve stood quietly at the top of the stairs careful not to announce his arrival as he studied Finn's face. The smile Finn held on his face displayed wrinkles he'd never noticed, probably because he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his best friend smile like that.

"Go!" Finn yelled in a playful manner. "I'll talk to you around lunchtime or whenever I'm kinda the boss." He joked and held his tongue out slightly dispute the person on the other end of the line not being able to see him. "Bye."

"Ahem," Steve cleared his throat as Finn ended his conversation.

Startled Finn jumped slightly from his chair. "Holy shit," his tone startled as he looked to Steve. "Doesn't anyone believe in knocking anymore?"

"Dude first off I have a key why would I knock? And second I haven't knocked once in the four years you've owned this house so why would I start now?" He shrugged as he flopped down onto the futon in the corner. "Who was that?" He pointed at the phone. "And don't say you're mom again I know better!"

Finn cuts his eyes at Steve and remained silent for a moment before he nodded his head around a bit and looked back at Steve. "That was Rachel."

Steve wiggled his eyebrows slightly, "Rachel from last weekend Rachel?" He asked with a knowing grin on his face. "That Rachel?" His hand flipped out to give a firm point to the picture that hung on Finn's wall. "Don't think just because I haven't brought I up I didn't notice. I knew the second I saw her that Rachel, who showed up from New York with fucking cookies for you, was Rachel the girl from high school who's picture was the first thing you ever put on these walls." He finished his statement by reaching behind his head and giving a pat to the wall.

"Yes that Rachel. If you knew then why ask if it was that Rachel?" Finn said flatly before he took a sip of his coffee.

"Because asking is the only way to get you talking anymore. So what's the deal? You tell me the girl at the wedding was no big deal, then she's showing up with cookies and now you're sneaking off for lunchtime conversation and texting. You don't text. You hate your cell phone because usually you just want everyone to leave you the hell alone."

"Like I wish you would do right now?" Finn responded with a look he hoped would shut his friend up.

"Exactly!" Steve stated before he completely ignored the look Finn was giving him and continued on. "I've never pushed you to talk about anything. Not when we met in college and you were all busted up over some girl, who by the way after sorting through numerous memories of vaguely recollected drunken nights when you would talk I've put two and two together and realized that was Rachel as well..." He paused and let out a sigh before he straightened up his posture to lean forward and look at Finn directly. "I've never forced you to talk about anything but what's up with here man."

Finn turned his eyes to look out the window and blew out a sigh. "I don't know. I hadn't seen Rachel in ten years and then at Kurt's wedding," he stopped looking for words that could explain what he felt to Steve, and to himself for that matter. "Rachel was the first person that ever made me feel like I could be something great. And when I first saw her you know the first thought that ran through my head was how much of a disappointment I'd be if she knew who I was now. Not like in like the professional sense just like who I was. And after the wedding I was sure that I was a disappointment and too damaged and I'd never hear from her again." Finn blew out a breath with a slightly half smile forming on his was as he turned his eyes over to Steve. "Then she showed up here and I realized that if anyone was going to understand it would be Rachel." With a tip of his head, his shoulders shrugged slightly. "I don't know what's going on. It's not like it's  
something that has a name. All I know is I like talking to her, hearing her laugh that laugh that just makes me smile. I like having her back in my life."

Steve shifted to the edge of the futon and leaned forward towards Finn, "I probably know you better than anyone else," his tone was serious and the look in his eyes as they met Finn's said he meant business. "So if you don't ever listen to another word I say I want to listen to me right now. When that little voice in your head that keeps you locked away in this house gets through and starts talking again do not listen. Don't screw this up." Steve nodded as the words left his mouth and for a moment the two men sat in a silent understanding until Finn gave Steve a slight nod. "Now we got a business to run." Steve stood from the futon and clapped his hand against Finn's back.

Finn finished off his coffee and stood from his chair. "Yeah what's on the agenda this week other than inventory?" His tone slightly sarcastic.

"Business," Steve joked as he started down the stairs behind Finn. "The equipment manager for the Bengals will be by on Saturday and oh the coach from Princeton High says they got approved for all new practice equipment for the fall, he said he knows we're usually closed but he wants to meet Sunday. It's a huge contract so I told him it wouldn't be a problem."

00000000000

Rachel was late. Really late and she was never late. In fact punctuality was something she prided herself on but this morning she just hadn't been able to tear herself away from the phone. She couldn't explain it. It was Finn. That explanation was good enough for her.  
The night she'd gotten out of his truck in Cincinnati with the promise of a next time, she had honestly wondered if there would be a next time. And things started off reasonably slow with text message good morning from her that lead to a half a night texting back and forth while she assured her dads she wasn't distracted and ignoring them. His insistence that she let him know she made it back to New York safely lead to their first phone call, a conversation meant only to be a few minutes long that ended up lasting into the wee hours of the night. Rachel was certain she'd made him late to work that day, despite his insistence that the boss couldn't be late. And now it was her turn to be late to something.

"Rachel Barbra Berry! Where the hell have you been?" Kurt screeched at her as he tapped his watch. "It is bad enough you've waited until the week of the Tonys to select a dress and now you're late? What the hell has gotten into you?"

Rachel tried not to laugh at Kurt's dramatics as she smoothed down her dress and walked to give him a hug. "I'm sorry I just got hung up with something this morning." She responded giving him a vague explanation for her tardiness.

"Hung up on something? Or someone?" Kurt raised an eyebrow and then rolled his eyes. "Please tell me you're not seeing Brett again? I mean despite his charm his terrible fashion sense should have been enough to scare you from even talking to him in the first place." Another eyes roll followed as he sat down on the sofa in the lounge and shook his head.

"No," Rachel quickly answered and took the seat next to him. "I'm not seeing Brett again that's been over for months you should know that," she continued as an alert from her phone gathered her attention. Rachel slid her finger over the screen to read the message, as she bit her lip to try and conceal her smile from Kurt.

"What was that," Kurt motioned his finger up and down over Rachel's body, then stopped his finger on her phone. "I swear to God if you're lying to me," he said and the reached to her hands wrestling the phone away from her. He fully expected to see a message from Brett, who would have been considered an excellent suitor by most's standard. But the standards for Rachel were higher than he held for most. Kurt's mouth dropped open as his eyes fell upon the name at the top of her screen. "Finn? Please tell me you randomly met some other Finn and this is not my brother!"

Rachel softly shook her head as she snatched her phone back away from him. "Why are you surprised? You're the one who gave me his business card after the wedding."

"Yes but I didn't expect you to use it!" He stated a bit too loudly then gave her an apologetic look as he started to calm down.

"Yes you did," she said softly and looked away for a moment. "You can't honestly tell me you expected me to just put that card in my purse and forget about it, otherwise you'd have never given it to me." Rachel looked back at her phone, opening it to return Finn's message before she turned her attention back to Kurt. "Look I'm not going tell you nothing's going on with Finn and I. That would be a lie. But when I went to see him I didn't know if there was going to be anything still there, at least on his end..."

"Wait!" Kurt cut her off before she had a chance to finish her spill. "You saw him? When?"

"Last Saturday when I went to Ohio," she quickly mumbled.

"You weren't supposed to go to Ohio until Sunday. Your Dads went on a spa trip and you knew that."

Rachel drew in a breath and tilted her head from side to side. "So I may have changed my flight and flew in Saturday. But Finn thinks I went to Ohio to surprise my Dads and got a rude awakening and I swear to God if you tell him otherwise," she harshly pointed her finger in Kurt's face as he held his hands up in a defensive manner. Rachel waited for Kurt to relax from her threat before she sighed and continued. "I can't explain it Kurt. After I saw him at the wedding and he told me he was divorced, it was like I couldn't make myself stop thinking about him. And I couldn't make myself stay away from him. The whole drive to Cincinnati I tried to tell myself that it had been years and he had a life that I really knew nothing about and..." She let out a frustrated breath as she searched for the words to continue on. When her voice finally came to her it was meek. "But I couldn't make myself turn around. I just needed to see him."

Kurt stared at Rachel for a moment absorbing her word before he let out a huffed breath. "Do you remember in high school when Ms Sylvester's sister died and she wrote that letter talking about being tethered to someone?" He watched as Rachel nodded. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to be having with her. It was more like one he knew was necessary, mainly because he was fully convinced that no matter what Rachel believed everything he was about to tell her was the truth. "That's you and Finn. You've always been tethered to each other. It only felt like it went away because he got married and you were both fully respectful of that marriage. But it never went away, it just stopped getting pulled on for a while. And now you're pulling on it again. And maybe he is too but Rachel," Kurt placed his hand on her arm to make sure he had her attention. "Rachel you have to be careful. This isn't high school and Finn, as much as I love him, is really damaged. If  
you pull to hard it's just going to tear both of you apart."

Rachel watched as Kurt spoke. There was a truth and a reality in his words. This wasn't high school; they weren't starry eyed kids anymore. They were adult who for many years had been leading separate lives and she was fully aware of that. "I'll be careful I promise. Right now we're just friends and I just really like having him back in my life."

"You'd better be," Kurt warned as he pointed a finger at her again. "For both your sakes. I can't take you being curled up in a ball for weeks again and God only knows where downhill for him would be." He shook his finger one more time, and then quickly clapped his hands together in excitement. "Now dresses! We must find you the perfect attire for Sunday! I have it narrowed down to twelve dresses. And since you're going stag, which I might add I can't believe you're doing, I don't have to worry about a date wearing something atrocious that clashes. Now go start the Rachel Berry fashion show extravaganza!" His hand waved in the air as he started to push her towards dressing rooms.

Five hours and twenty eight dresses later, Rachel was finally walking back into her apartment with Kurt positive they had found both the perfect dress and accessories. Exhausted wasn't even the word to describe how she felt. And she was certainly glad she had at least another year before she had to endure that again. More than again thing she was hungry and upset she had missed her lunchtime 'meeting' with Finn. But it was Finn and he knew Kurt, so he would understand how particular he could be. Just the hour alone he spent ranting about how she wasn't taking a date was more than exhausting. He had gone on and on about how much better she would look for photographs if she had a piece of arm candy and how the perfect suit next to her would make her look flawless. And as she sat down at her laptop, she had to admit that in the smallest way possible it had gotten to her.  
But all thoughts of Kurt were erased as she moved her mouse to click the button on her Skype that called Finn. Rachel bit her lip and waited to see if he was there as her speakers rang.

"Hey Rachel."

Her head cocked back slightly in surprise as she was met with Steve's face on her monitor instead of Finn's. "Hi, Steve. If Finn's busy I can try him again later." She smiled politely as she remembered it was after his usual lunch break and she was interrupting his work day.

"No, no, he's just counting some bats. Gimme just a sec, I'll go get him." Steve face disappeared from the screen and she was left with a shot of Finn's office chair as she listened to Steve call his name out. Other than a few text messages this was the first time she had bothered him in the middle of working and for a moment she wondered if she should just close the window and try him later. But then his face appeared and that thought quickly disappeared.

"Hey," Finn grinned as she watched him make himself comfortable in his chair. "Thought you'd forgotten about me." He joked.

"Never," Rachel whispered low enough to where she was sure he couldn't have heard her.

"I can only assume Kurt was more than pissed you were late and kept you long as punishment. Either that or whatever you were doing ran long." He stopped as his face twisted and his eyebrow rose. "I don't think I ever asked so what was it you two were doing?"

"Actually," Rachel took in a breath and bit her lip in an unsure manner. Kurt's warning flashed in her head for a moment but it didn't have to chance to block the words from coming out of her mouth. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. What are you doing this weekend?"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: The song used in this chapter is not mine. It's called No One Else to Blame by Howie Day (or Been There if you're an old school fan). If you'd like to add some ambience to the chapter you can DL it here: www dot sendspace dot com/ file / 41rszj just removed the spaces and replace the dots. Thank you for all of the reviews/favorites/alerts they are greatly appreciated. Don't expect another update quite as far being as aside from a few minor edits and additions this chapter was already written months ago.

0000000

The chandelier lighting of the hotel was so reflective Finn felt like it was blinding him as he stood in the lounge waiting. He glanced over to the mirror on the wall and checked once more to make sure he looked okay. There had been such a small window between his flight getting into town and the time he needed to be ready for that he felt like he'd barely had enough time to make himself look presentable. Truth be told he wasn't even sure how the hell he'd ended up there. There was Kurt's wedding, and a dance and... He blew out a sigh and let the smile fight through as the answer resonated in his head. And there was Rachel. She was how he had ended up in the lobby of a New York City hotel with his hands tucked in the pockets of a tuxedo. He rocked back and forth a little bit replaying the whirlwind in his mind. He reached up and adjusted the tie that felt like it was choking him despite being plenty loose enough for him to breathe. Maybe it was just that he hated ties, or maybe it was the difference between the air in New York City and the air in Ohio but something was making it feel like it was hard to breath. Or maybe it was nerves. Finn glanced down at his watch as his stomach took a nervous flip. Yep, it was definitely nerves, no doubt about it. Then the doors in the front of the hotel turned and the lights reflected on a new image like grains of sand sparkling on the beach. Slowly his eyes focused in on the new sight. She was there walking towards him with the length of her dress bunched in her hands to keep it from dragging the floor. The simple beaded navy dress wrapped over one shoulder and curved downward in a delicious angle that only left his eyes wanting more as the followed the light glistening off of her skin up to her face. The face that was wearing one of the most infectious smiles he'd ever seen. Breathing was no longer difficult, it was now impossible.

"You look," he paused and licked his lips unable to find words that even matched of fraction of what he wanted to describe. "You beyond amazing," Finn finally managed to catch the breath in his lungs and huff the words out to her.

Rachel pressed her lips together in a smile that just radiated pure joy, "Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself." She said played and reached out to run her hand down the length of his tie.

"Thank you," he nodded and glanced up and down at his suit. "I was worried I wouldn't have enough time to meet up to your standards."

"You're funny," she whispered as she shook her head as she reached forward to straight the tie that had become crooked after her hand ran down it. "You look great. And it really means a lot to me that you came, especially on such short notice. I know…" She stopped herself midsentence wondering for a moment what exactly it was she was trying to say. Her mind raced trying to put together everything she wanted to tell him into one simple sentence. I know you barely leave your house let alone Ohio. I know it took brute force to get you to even come to your brother's wedding. I know I just kind of showed up and now you're doing things that are surprising everyone you know. Her lips curved as her thoughts settled down and the right words finally broke through. "I know you wouldn't do this for just anyone and it means a lot to me."

Finn met her smile with one of his own and scratched at the back of his head, a slight blush pinking up his cheeks, "The chance to be with Rachel Berry on the night she wins her first Tony? Wild horses couldn't have stopped me." His tone slipping into playful trying to lighten up the intense air between them.

"No one's sure I'm going to win. Not even me." She said softly and collected her dressed back into her hand. "Come on, you ready?"

"Absolutely."

"Good because I'm not," she laughed and swallowed the nervous lump in her throat.

"You have nothing to worry about, if they don't see how amazing you are, you don't need their award anyway." He winked at her as he stepped slightly in front of her and offered his arm.

000000000

"Charlie, hurry up! The preshow has already started and they just informed the viewers that they will have first time nominee Rachel Berry in just a moment." Kurt called out to his husband as he waited his eyes glue to the television.

"Okay, I'm here." Charlie said as he sat down trying to feign an interest in the red carpet for an awards show that he was only going to watch because Rachel was nominated.

"You have to see her dress. It's a gorgeous navy Oscar de la Renta. Tastefully elegant, shows just enough skin, and looks amazing on her. Rachel's fashion sense as come along way. Thanks mainly in part to me." Kurt clasps his hands against his chest in a moment of self appreciation. "It should get me a special mention in her acceptance speech. Best friend and best fashion guru ever." Kurt cocked his head and gave Charlie a smug smile, before he screeched and pointed at the television. "Look there she is," unable to contain his excitement he clapped as he watched the camera bulbs go off around her.

"Wait," Kurt glanced as he heard Charlie mumble and watched him scoot up in his chair a baffled look on his face. "I thought I just saw," he mumbled again but didn't finish his sentence before his focus rested on the television. "Kurt is that," Charlie paused and Kurt watched as his eyes went wide. "Kurt is it just me or does that guy look like your brother?"

Kurt's head snapped back in the direction of the television the camera starting to pan away from Rachel as her date stepped back to her side and they began down the carpet. "Oh. My. God." Kurt's eyebrows narrowed and his mouth dropped open as he starred at the television in disbelief. "Just friends my ass."

0000000000

Finn grinned and bobbed his head along with the music as he watched the cast of Rachel's show jump and dance around. He kept trying to catch a glimpse of Rachel but everyone was moving so fast he could find her. Hell the fact she had gotten up out of her seat to go get ready for the brief performance was the only way he knew she was up there with them. At least that's what he figured but he was positive he hadn't seen her even once in the ensemble crowd. Then, almost as if the directors of the awards show had known he was looking for her, the lights went completely dark and the soft sounds of a violin began to play through the room. Finn swallowed hard his heart racing in anticipation as a single spotlight lit the stage revealing Rachel as her voice carried through the microphone.

"If I had to choose to either bleed or bruise. I wouldn't hesitate because I've been there. If you had a doubt if I was in or out I wouldn't hesitate cause I've been there. All my life is speeding up swear I'm never giving up on you."

It was the first time in years he'd heard her sing. And it was every bit as beautiful as he'd remembered. Maybe even more, he wasn't sure. But just the sound of her voice erased everyone else in the room. She wasn't singing to a theatre full of people. Finn shifted his body closer to the edge of his seat and gripped the arm rest.

"Under the lights it's just you and I. Knowing there's no one else to blame. A shot in the dark. We're caught in a spark knowing there's no one else to blame."

She wasn't singing to the national audience watching at home on their televisions. She was singing to him. He could feel it in every lyric she sang and every note she hit. It was as if the song she'd been singing every night had been written just for them. Finn fought the urge to let his eyes close as the feeling of her voice washed over him.

"No I don't need to know why. No I don't need to know why."

The lights came up on the orchestra creating a theatrical element but his eyes remained locked on Rachel. He released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding until the tightness in his chest had taken over. He could feel her eyes burning into his as she sang as if she were trying to feed the fire her voice had sparked. He swore he heard her voice crack as she sang with a raw emotion that made it all seem as if it weren't a song she'd been singing every night for months.

"Under the lights it's just you and I knowing there's no one else to blame. A shot in the dark caught in a spark knowing there's no one else to blame."

Finn sat mesmerized as she repeated the chorus and the music started to fade. The crowd of people slowly started moving to their feet. But he sat motionless; his heart was still racing as the applause resonated through the room. Her voice still sounded through his head. His eyes closed as he let the feeling take him over. He was sixteen again, and letting the feelings her voice aroused take over. Her voice still moved him in way he'd never really been able to understand. There was just something special about it, something that hit him in the heart. And when he heard her sing, every time he had ever heard her sing it was like no one else in the world existed.

Finn's wits slowly made their way back to him as Rachel crossed in front of him and sat down. "You were incredible." He leaned over and whispered into her ear as his hand reached and slid into hers.

Rachel bit her lip to subtly conceal her smile, as she felt the weight of their hands fall to her lap. "Thank you." She whisper and then nodded for him to turn his attention back to the stage. Her eyes glanced down at their hands in her lap taking in the sight and the feeling for a moment. She reached up and placed her free hand over the top of them. Her eyes slipped closed and her shoulders relaxed as she memorized the moment, it was one she never wanted to forget.

00000

"Steve, did Finn tell you were he was going?" Alison called from the kitchen as she turned the burner on the stove down to warm.

"No, he told me he'd see me on Monday and just took off like a bat out of hell after our meeting this morning. Seemed anxious, which was really weird for him."

"And did he ever happen to mention what Rachel does for a living to you?"

"Yea she an actress in New York, she does plays or musicals or something like that. Why?" Steve yelled back before he mumbled under his breath about a bad call on the game he was watching.

"Quick turn on channel four," Alison yelled as she rushed into the living room and pointed wildly at the television. "Did he mention she maybe did Broadway?"

"Um, yea I think so why?" Steve raised an eyebrow as he turned the channel away from the Reds game to find some kind of awards show. "What is this?"

"It's the Tonys."

"The what?"

"The Tonys, they're like the Espy for Broadway," Alison explained using the only award show she knew Steve had ever watched. "Now just watch." She demanded as she pointed at the television and waited until the presenter called Rachel's name and the camera panned to her.

"Hey it's Rachel and..." Steve paused to blink and assure that the person he was looking at was who he thought it was. "Finn!" His mouth dropped open slightly as he looked from the television to Alison in shock.

Alison raised her eyebrows and grinned slightly, "I don't think he'll be making it to work tomorrow."

00000

Rachel giggled and hugged one last co star as Finn walked forward and held the hotel's lobby door open for her with one arm and offered the other for support. She was several glasses on champagne in and the last thing Finn wanted was to have to make a trip to the hospital.

"I'm not drunk," playfully slapped his arm as she walked passed him and then turned her head and looked over her shoulder at him. "Just wonderfully buzzed and incredibly happy," she said as she walked out and twirled around on the sidewalk. "So happy." She turned her eyes to the car waiting on them and then back to Finn. "My apartment's not far. Would you walk me home?"

Finn nodded, "Yeah I can always catch a cab to my hotel," he answered then nodded the driver away as he stepped forward her hands immediately wrapping around his arm as they started down the street. A silence fell between them as she pressed her head into his shoulder and let out a content sigh. Silence had become something Finn had gotten used to but it had been a long time since he'd shared a comfortable silence with another person. Let alone a content silence. The way he felt right then he would have walked along the streets of New York forever if she wanted him to.

"Tonight has been so perfect I'm not even sad I didn't win." She said softly and nuzzled against him for a brief moment before she looked up to see his eyes looking down at her in a playful disbelief as if he thought her statement was a lie. "Okay so maybe I'm a little disappointed. But it's not the last chance at a Tony I'll ever have and my show won. So in a sense I won." She face broke out into a full on smile as she let go of his arm and danced out ahead of him. "And I had a magical night in a city that I love." She spun around again only to come to a stop when his hand reached out and landed on hers, "And it was with you." Her voiced dropped to a whisper as Finn stepped in closer, "The way I always pictured it would be."

Finn felt his grip on Rachel's wrist slip down as her fingers moved and intertwined with his.

"I was singing to you tonight you know. Every note, every word," her eyes fell closed as she stepped in almost pressing her body against his. "I didn't care that anyone else was in that theatre. Tonight you were the only person there." She used their entwined hands to lead his hand to her chest, pressing it against her rapidly beating heart. "I wanted you to feel it."

He tried to actively remember to breathe as she stepped in closer, the smell of the New York City street, wine and Rachel Berry invading his senses. The feelings taking him over were ones he'd tried for so long to fight away. He'd tried for so long to keep himself from truly feeling anything anymore and now he felt powerless to keep them at bay.

"I do." He said with a thick swallow. His heart pounded against the walls of his chest so hard he was sure she could hear it, maybe even feel it through their touch. The sounds of the city around them slowly faded into the background, the world around them disappeared as their eyes locked and he reached up to push her fallen hair behind her shoulder. "The last time I tried to kiss you on a street in New York, you ran away," his voice was raspy and thick as the old memory played in his mind.

"Try again," her voice barely audible as her hand reached up to dance her fingers over his jaw line, a hot ball of anticipation built in her stomach waiting to burst.

Her breath hitched and released. He inhaled the air she let go and their eyes fell closed as his lips moved in and brushed against her. Electricity, heat, and passion filled the air as he finally settled his lips to hers and they both melted into the kiss. As they fell into the familiar. No resistance or awkward second needed to find a comfort or rhythm. It was if the years had never passed, and the past didn't exist.

"Take me home, Finn." She broke their kiss just enough to whisper breathlessly against his lips.

At that moment he would have taken her anywhere she asked him to and the word no would have never even crossed his mind, but home was good enough for him.


	7. Chapter 7

Six weeks. Six weeks was all it had taken for them to end up here, Finn thought as he lay in Rachel's bed staring up at the ceiling fan. Her body shifted into his as he played the moments over in his mind. Her voice moving him in a theatre full of people. The way she danced and spun around him all night. A kiss on the sidewalk. A sigh escaped his lips as what followed invaded his memory. It was a kiss on the sidewalk that set his soul on fire, that made him feel something, something he hadn't felt in ages. And he had let himself get lost in that feeling. What it had lead too was a tangle of lips on lips, skin on skin, warmth and sunlight. The way she sighed and moaned underneath him. Her body withering as his skin quivered under her touch. Heat and passion. Reckless abandon. Desire. Need. And longing. A pure longing to feel that connection to each other. A connection that he had often wondered if he'd ever truly let go of, a connection that after tonight he wondered if it had ever went away. Finn let out a sigh of his own as the thought triggered sensations that took over his body and mind. If he's let himself he could get drunk on the fresh memories in his mind. The feeling that washed over him as he replayed the night was one he could only describe to himself as something real. He reached his arm up and moved his hand from Rachel's back and behind his head. Her body shifted and tucked in against his and he felt her fingers move and dance a pattern over his bare chest before the sensation of her lips touched his skin.

The silence in the room had made her wonder if he was even awake. Sleep hadn't even been an option for her after everything that had happened that evening. She had merely been lying awake memorizing the feeling of his skin against hers, the way their legs were tangled together, and the sound of his breathing. She wanted to freeze the moment in time and stay in it forever. When she felt him move Rachel pressed her lips softly to his chest before he looked up to his face. "Are you okay?" She softly asked breaking the silence of the night. The look on his face was unreadable and it made her wonder if there was regret buried deep in his eyes that were staring up at the ceiling. The last thing she wanted was for him to regret their night. The last thing she wanted was for him to leave in the morning and run away, the way she couldn't help but feel he might.

Finn kept his eyes on the ceiling fan as he licked his lips and blew out a breath. He tried to force his mind to go blank. He tried to force himself to focus on Rachel's body against his and the way he wanted to just bury himself inside her and hold on to the feelings he'd felt then. But the mind wouldn't let him, his emotions wouldn't let him. It was as if she'd opened a flood gate and there was nothing he could do it stop it. His eyes squeezed closed as he reached his free hand to rub down her shoulder, the action more to comfort and calm himself than her. "Right before spring semester midterms started our senior year Alison found out she was pregnant. And I didn't freak out or anything. I was happy, I was thrilled. Steve and I were already putting the wheels in motion to open up the store. All I saw was future in front of me. I was dreaming. And they weren't big dreams but I was dreaming. And then," He stopped to choke back a lump in his throat and close his eyes. "Then when she lost the baby... It went away. Before I would close my eyes and see the future and after that I would close my eyes and just see darkness." His expression tightened and his face scrunched up as he tried to fight away the emotions that flooded forward on him. Emotions he's tried not to feel back then. Emotions he didn't want to feel right then.

Rachel reached up to brush away the hint of a tear that was started to fall from the corner of his eye. She wasn't sure what to say or even if she should speak at all. So she simply brushed the tear from his eye and ran her hand down his face. Something in her knowing he'd never opened up to anyone else the way he was opening up to her.

Finn felt his skin quiver and then relax under Rachel's touch; the simple action urged him to continue on. "It was only darkness when I closed my eyes so I figured maybe I wasn't supposed to ever dream. Because all dreaming had ever done for me was break my heart. Everything I had ever loved, everything I ever thought I could call mine... It had all been taken from me." His jaw clenched and he swallowed several times as the hand behind his head bunched his hair up into his fist. "So I gave up. I stopped caring. I stopped giving a fuck about anyone around me. Myself included. Myself especially. I didn't care that I was hurting people who loved me because as far as I was concerned they were better off not caring about me. I blamed myself for everything that had every happened because it kept happening to me so it had to be my fault. For some reason I didn't deserve to be happy." The last of his words came out as a bitter spit and his face displayed a self loathing. He took a hard swallow and in vain tried to choke back the bitterness, "When Alison brought me divorce papers, and I didn't even try to fight her on it. Didn't even bother to read them. I signed the papers right there in front of her. Then I drove out to Lake Cowan and threw my wedding ring as hard as I could into it. On the way back home I stopped got some Jack and a case beer. I stayed drunk for I don't even know how long. I would get up, go to the store, then go back to the apartment and drink. I just wanted to stay numb." His voice had dropped from angry to just above a whisper and bleeding with pain. "And I've stayed comfortably numb for a long time. I replaced drinking with a house. A house I could pour my energy into and make my own little spot in the world. Like four walls I could lock myself inside and no one could ever touch me. I can go home, turn the lock on that door and it's just all gone. It's all locked out."

Rachel fought back her own tears as he spoke. The thought of him in so much pain made her heart shatter, but she knew this wasn't the time for such selfishness. So she fought away the tears and instead reached up and gently caressed her fingers through the side of his hair.

"Rachel I can't tell you the last time I let myself really feel anything. I can't tell you the last time I was happy. Honestly happy," He reached his hand from behind his head and pressed his fingers to his eyes from and moment before sliding the hand down his face and moved it until his fingers reached her chin. "Until you showed up at my store." His fingers tilted her face up to meet his eyes as he cleared his throat. "It was the last thing I expected but when I saw you... I was happy. And right now, with you here, I'm happy. I've been so lonely and so lost and I never even realized it until right now because right now I'm happy." His voice cracked and Finn quickly cleared his throat to cover the emotion before he looked down at her. His eyes crinkled and her gave her a close lip smile unsure as he still tried to fight back the emotion. Rachel bit her lip at him for a moment before she gave way to a full smile and that was all it took to melt his armor. The tears of a million emotions he'd held back for years fell forward through his clinched eyes and tight expression.

His words, and the way he'd spoke had been enough to make her heart break for him. Rachel let out a soft breath against his chest. She had always been one to talk but at that moment she didn't have the words to comfort him. She didn't have the words to explain everything he's been through or save him from the pain he'd felt. A pang of guilt ran through her gut as she realized the happiness she had caused was what was forcing his fought off emotions to fight to break through. Her hand reached and caressed his face to wipe away the fresh tears. She ran the hand still wet with his tears down his chest and used it to push herself up. "Stay." She whispered as she moved her lips to kiss away the tears she hadn't been able to catch. Her mouth moved and began to pepper his face with soft kisses, her lips cleaning the salty tears from his face. "I don't care for how long. Stay forever if you want," he whispered and moved her lips to meet his mouth as he willing accepted her kiss.

Finn's hand reached into the soft locks of her hair as she moved herself over him and he lifted his body up to meet her. Again the feeling of warmth and sunlight and the taste of honey filled his senses. He was feeling again. Six weeks was all it had taken for them to get her. Six weeks was all it had taken for Rachel Berry to make him feel again. She had broken passed his resistance and made him feel again. He flipped them over and stopped to look down into her eyes. Eyes that seemed to look into his soul. Eyes that had always accepted him for who he was damage and all. Finn moved his head and pressed his forehead to hers as he nodded softly in response to her request. Tomorrow they would draw the curtains and it would be a new day, with new emotions and things to figure out. Tonight he wasn't going to let any of that matter. Tonight he was happy and for the second time he was going to let himself give in and get lost in Rachel Berry.

00000

The smell of coffee lingered through the house as Alison slipped on a robe and followed the smell to the kitchen the way she did every morning. Usually by this point in the morning Steve was long gone. The only sign he had been in there kitchen would be the fresh pot of coffee and a sweet post it note attached to the handle. But as she turned the corner into the kitchen her eyes were met with a rare Tuesday morning sight. "Morning," she mumbled in her sweet sleepy voice as she made her way to fix herself a cup of coffee. "I thought you'd be gone. It's Tuesday, you don't have to go pick up Finn?"

"No need," Steve cleared his throat and took a long sip of his coffee to finish off the cup. "Finn called about an hour ago. He's taking a vacation."

"Vacation? He hasn't taken a vacation since you two opened the store. Not even when we invited him. That just means he's not ready to come home from New York. Obviously Rachel got to him and he's not ready to leave." She cocked her head to the side and gave her husband a grin.

Steve shrugged his shoulders and poured himself another cup of coffee. "I guess not. But that doesn't stop business from running." He said flatly.

Alison leaned against the counter for a moment before she walked over and ran her fingers through Steve's hair, "You can make do just fine without him. He always does when we go on vacation, you'll do the same. This is a good thing. Rachel, she's good for him. Really good if he's leaving Ohio and taking vacation on his own accord."

A deep breath left Steve's lungs as he tilted his head into her hands before he shook it at her. "I know. And I was all for it. I still am but... I know Finn as well as anyone and I don't know," he paused to shake his head as his nose scrunched up. "I just... I know Finn and I have a bad feeling about this." He shrugged again trying to brush the feeling off as he moved to wash his coffee cup out in the sink.

Her eyebrow went up for a moment as he turned his back to her, "I'm going to go get Jace up and ready. You go to work," she walked forward to kiss him on the cheek. "And you're feeling? I'm sure it's just because it's something we're not used to. I'm sure it's wrong."

Steve turned the water off and let his cup fall into the sink as he felt Alison pull away from him and quickly disappear into the hallway. "I so hope so," he quietly said to himself.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: M rated chapter alert. If you're easily offended or have virgin eyes just skip down to the end.

Only a sliver of sunlight broke through the clouds to light Rachel's living room. The kitchen was a mess; half eaten boxes of take out from the night before and a barely touched bag of bagels bound to go stale lined the counter. The kitchen had merely become a stopping point for nourishment on their way to the bedroom. She'd never let it become such a sore sight before, but she'd also never had Finn in her bed to keep her well distracted before either.

Finn pressed his lips together and shook his head in a childlike manner as Rachel pressed the cold spoon to his lips.

"Nope," he said firmly as he turned his head sideways away from the spoon. "You're never going to convince me that ice cream made from rice is as good as the real stuff."

"All I'm asking is you try it," Rachel pouted and pushed the spoon at him again, a spot of the treat getting on his cheek. She reached her other hand under the spoon to catch the drip of faux ice cream as it started to melt. "Hurry up it's melting."

"Fine." He whipped his head around and reluctantly took the spoon she pressed at him in his mouth. "It's like chocolate flavored sand." His mumbled, trying to swallow the gritty concoction.

"It does not," Rachel giggled as she scooped up a spoonful for herself. "It's a perfectly suitable substitute. Look you've got some on you," she said as she leaned forward and kissed the dab on his cheek. "And here," she continued as her lips moved to the gooey spot on his bare chest; all traces of teasing lost when her tongue darted against his skin.

She smiled proudly against him when she felt his body hum appreciate lively against her lips which lingered against his chest. A moment later she felt his hands tangle in her hair pulling her mouth back up to his. The taste of chocolate still lingered on his lips as their mouths met.

In an instant he flipped on her back. His mouth slipped off of her and trailed tiny kisses along her jaw line before it moved to her neck. Rachel tangled her hands into his hair and let out breathy moans as he descended lower; his tongue tracing over every spot of skin it met. The attention he paid to details, the way he read her body and the noises she made reminded her of everything she'd learned about her body, she had learned with him. The difference this time was that they were no longer teenagers having to sneak around. They could take their time and lavish each other.

She pulled on his hair as he took small nips at the sensitive flesh of her breasts and then soothed them with his tongue. The sensations overtook her as her body began to move against his on its own will. Her leg hooked around his waist and she pulled at his hair silently begging him to stop his deliciously torturous actions. He finally stopped his ministrations long enough to shift his body upward, teasing her already sensitive skin along the way until he hovered over her, his body perfectly aligned with hers. Finn's mouth dropped against hers in a sloppy passion-filled kiss as he pushed himself inside her. His mouth ripped away from hers and his head dropped to her shoulder as he moved inside of her. He whispered her name over and over with each thrust and the simple sound in her ear stirred her body as much as his motions did. Her whimpers of pleasure became louder as his thrusts became faster and shaper. Her free hand clawed down his back as it all became too intense and she shook beneath him, crying out his name, giving into the pleasure moments before he did.

Rachel's body went limp beneath him as Finn's body collapsed on top of her. She lazily ran her hand up his back and into his hair, enjoying the feeling of his weight on top of her and the way he lingered inside of her. As he slipped off of her Rachel curled against him, resting her head against his chest. Her eyes slipped closed as she felt his fingers slipping through her hair then let out a sigh of content.

The overwhelming feelings that she was experiencing at that moment were ones she knew all too well. . Everything that had happened between them over the last few days came so easily and felt so natural that in order not to lose herself completely in the possibility of a future with him she needed to remind herself it was too soon to know what the future held. However, despite her best efforts to talk herself out of the feeling she knew. For years she'd tried to get over him; at times she'd even believed she was, but at the moment she knew it'd never happened and probably never would.

Her eyes slipped closed and she let out another soft sigh as she fought away the urge to tell him that she was still in love with him despite the time that had passed and everything that had happened between them She reached up, dancing her fingers in lazy patterns over his chest, letting the sounds of the rain pelting against the window frame and Finn's heartbeat lulling them both into a comfortable state of silence as they listened to the soft sounds emanating from the small radio.

"Listen when all of this around us falls. I'll tell you what we're going to do. You will shelter me, my love. And I, I will shelter you." She softly sang along as she slid her body closer against his.

"I like that song," Finn mumbled lazily, as a small half smile rested on his face and his fingers continued to comb through her hair.

"Me too," Rachel whispered and tilted her gaze upwards so she could take in the peaceful look that was washed over him. "I'm glad it rained today." She added, but forced her mouth closed before the words had a chance to tumble out. She knew she needed to change her mind set before she spoke her thoughts out loud, thoughts she feared would scare him back into his shell. Her eyes moved from his face to glance over at the bedside clock. "I have to leave soon, I don't think I've ever not wanted to go to the theatre this much."

She rested her head back against his chest and listened to the beat of his heart again. She almost let herself get lost in the feeling again but instead pushed herself up and off of him.

Finn's eyes shot open and went straight to Rachel as she got out of the bed. "Where are you going?" He asked confused as he pushed himself to sit up.

"I have to shower," she said casually and took a farther from the bed before she stopped to shoot him a flirty look over her shoulder. "You coming?"

0000

Kurt turned his key and pushed the door to Rachel's apartment open. "Rachel?" He called out as he looked around at the dark living room. His eyes followed the first light they caught into the kitchen. His eyes went wide with shock at the mess, "My god," he said to himself as he clasped his hand over his mouth. "Rachel!" He called out again as he left the disgusting mess and started down the hall. He saw the bathroom door open, his ears registering the sounds of a running shower and the soft hum of her voice.

"Rachel, what the hell happened to your..." He called out as he walked into the bathroom, his eyes flying open as a shrilled scream leapt from his throat at the sight in front of him.

The water of the shower head was turned away from their bodies, streaming down the shower door. Rachel's back was pressed against the shower wall, her eyes closed, her hands buried in Finn's hair as she registered nothing around her but the pleasure and sensations of his tongue against her center. Softly hummed moans breaking free from her throat every time she felt Finn's lips vibrate against her. They were both lost in their own world of pleasure until a foreign scream broke them out of it.

Rachel's eyes snapped open and Finn's head shot out from between her legs as they both looked up to see Kurt's retreating from followed by the bathroom door slamming behind it. Finn's eyes met Rachel's with an apologetic look, "Habit of living alone, I forget to close doors behind me," he let an embarrassed laugh out through his nose as he stood up. "We're never going to hear the end of this."

"I know," Rachel said in a slightly mortified as she turned the shower head towards her and began to quickly wash up. "I'll go handle him. You finish showering and give me a couple of minutes." She tip toed up to kiss his cheek before she stepped out of the shower pulled her robe on.

"Kurt?" Rachel said softly as she made her was down the hall and gave the living room a once over. "Kurt are what you doing?" Rachel asked as she found Kurt in her kitchen rummaging through the counter under her sink.

"I'm looking for bleach or some other corrosive liquid to pour into my eyes so I never have to see that," he sharply, pointing behind him without ever removing his head from inside the cabinet. "Again!"

"Stop being so dramatic." She said as she pulled on his shoulder trying to get him to face her.

Kurt stood up to give her a look of complete shock before he wildly waved his hands. "Dramatic? Wasn't it just a week ago you were telling me you two were just friends and now I walk into your apartment and find his head buried in your..." He closed his eyes and vigorously shook his head, "It's back again. The image. It's back. I'm going to have nightmares for months over this."

"Seriously," Finn walked into the kitchen in a pair of jeans, scrubbing a towel over the side of his head. "Who just walks in someone's bathroom while they're showering?"

"I do!" Kurt snapped his head in Finn's direction. "I walk in, I sit on the counter and we talk. Sometimes it's the only chance we get to talk and who leaves the bathroom door open when they're doing..." He stopped and took in a sharp breath, "That!" He waved his hands in a disgusted manner then pointed his finger at Finn again, "You are paying for my therapy," his finger waved back and forth between Finn and Rachel before it settled on her, "Both of you. And what happened to your kitchen? Are you too busy acting like teenagers in the middle of a sexcapade to remember what cleaning is?"

Rachel shot Finn an apologetic look and leaned in to kiss Kurt's cheek, "And on that note I have to go get ready for my performance." She stopped and gave Finn a quick kiss on his cheek, "Sorry." She whispered into his ear before she disappeared out of the kitchen and into the bedroom.

"Come on it's not like you've never caught us before." Finn said with a laugh in a feeble attempt to ease Kurt's freak out.

"That was like over a decade ago and you were under blankets," Kurt responded and narrowed his eyebrows at Finn. "It would have been nice to know you were in town," he said as he took a step forward to give him a hug. "_Before _I saw it on the Tonys."  
"Yeah, it was kind of an unplanned last minute vacation." He said as he hugged his brother back before he pulled away with a shrug, following Kurt into the living room.

"So what, I invited you to New York a thousand times. Alison has to drag you to my wedding but Rachel calls once and you're on the first plane out?" He cocked his head and closed his eyes to take a breath and as he realized his comment might have been slightly out of line. "It's good to see you especially when you don't look like shit."

Finn laughed and slapped Kurt's back, "I'm glad because I don't feel like it either. Now go ahead. I know that breath it was your I'm trying not to say something breath, so say it."

Kurt shook his head, "Nope. I'm not getting in the middle of it. Though the fact that it is the two of you I am already in the middle of it. But you look happy and I'm not going to say anything to change that."

"But there is something you want to say then?" Finn cocked an eyebrow. "If you want to ask me a bunch of questions about this I'm not going to have any answers for you. All I know is that I am happy right now. Rachel, she's," he stopped and searched for the words unable to find ones to verbalize what he wanted to say.

"She's always made you happy?" Kurt tipped his head before he leaned it back against the sofa. "I just hope you two know what you're getting into. Rachel never got over you. I know she's the one who ended it and she thought she was doing the right thing, but she never got over you. She cried for two weeks straight after you got married and at my wedding when she thought you were still married to Alison and Jace was your son, well I could hear her sobbing through the suite walls….and you've been a mess for ages…and I just... I don't want in the middle of this because if it goes badly I'm afraid there might not be anything left of either of you to pick up off the floor this time."

Finn tried to absorb Kurt's words, trying to process them all as fast as he said them but his mind zoomed in on one single phrase. "What do you mean she thought she was doing the right thing?" His words came gruff and only a split second before the bedroom door opened and Rachel appeared with her purse over her shoulder.

"I'm already running late," she said as she grabbed her keys off the bar and moved in front of Kurt leaning down to give him a hug before she turned her attention to Finn, her lips meeting his for a quick kiss as if it was a daily routine.

His eyes slipped closed and his hand shot up behind her neck as she tried to pull away. Finn raised his body slightly and pushed his lips back against hers deepening the kiss, wordlessly begging her to save him from his conversation with Kurt as well as begging her not to leave.

Kurt watched their intimate moment immediately noticing the small smiled that registered on Rachel's face as she ran her hand over Finn's cheek when she finally broke their kiss. He listened as she whispered that she would see him later that evening, and then waited until she was out the door before he spoke again.

"That's a question you need to ask her."

A/N: I promise you're going to find out what happened between them in the first place soon. The lyrics used in this chapter are from Ray LaMontagne's Shelter. And Jen you're like awesome sauce for beta-ing thanks again. And thanks to everyone else for sticking with me on this one and reading/reviewing/alerting etc.


	9. Chapter 9

Finn glanced over at the clock that read 11:15 at night. Rachel would be home with food soon. He knew that because it was the routine they'd fallen into the few days he'd been in New York. If he didn't go to her show she'd show up between 11:15 and 11:45 with food, most of which only got half eaten before they got distracted with each other. All he wanted was to get distracted by her and for the voice in his head to go away.

"Hey," Rachel warmly greeted him before she placed the bag of take-out down on the coffee table. "How was your evening with Kurt?" She asked as she moved to the sofa then climbed on his lap to straddle him.

"Kurt drug me to some fancy restaurant with him and Charlie. Well first he made me go buy clothes," Finn motioned down at his clothing before he rested his hands against her back as she peppered his face with kisses. "Then he drug me out to some fancy dinner with Charlie."

"Typical Kurt," she whispered against his ear before she softly sucked on the flesh below his ear lobe.

"Un huh," Finn muttered and moved his hand to Rachel's face. "Typical Kurt," he repeated as he moved her lips to his. He wanted to get lost in her kiss; get lost in her and let it all go. Her mouth opened against his and he deepened the kiss, his hand moving to her neck and holding her in place against his lips. She tasted like Rachel, and he was desperate to focus in on that sense.

A purr left her mouth as she broke away and spoke with her eyes still closed, "As much as I would love to stay like this; that kiss makes me believe I'm going to need energy tonight and if that is in fact the case I'm going to need to eat first." She spoke against his lips as she tried to pull away.

"No," he whispered, his hand on her neck still holding her in place. "Not yet," he said and pulled her mouth back against his. His kiss was full of need and desperation. He knew that and there was nothing she could do to stop it and he didn't care. As long as she stayed there against him, as long as he was absorbed in her there was nothing else in his head but her. With that kiss he begged her not to pull away, not to leave him and let his thoughts take over. He broke away long enough for a breath but it was a breath too long.

"I have to eat," she giggled and quickly crawled off his lap before he had a chance to catch her again. "I didn't know if Kurt would feed you, so I got you food too if you're hungry."

He wasn't hungry. In fact he felt sick. He knew that the next words from his mouth were going to open something up they'd yet to deal with, but as he leaned against the kitchen counter he couldn't stop the words from coming out, no matter how much he wanted to. "Why did you leave?" His voice raspy as the words left his lips.

"I went to work," she answered clearly puzzled; clueless to what he really meant continuing to rummage through the refrigerator

"Not tonight. After graduation. Why did you leave?" He watched as Rachel's body stiffened in response; her reaction only feeding into his sickened feeling.

"It was ten years ago. Do we really need to talk about it?" She asked, as she closed the refrigerator then turned to face him.

Finn blew out a breath and watched as a lump moved down Rachel's throat. "You left. Three weeks after graduation you left to come here and you were supposed to come back. We were supposed to have an entire summer together. I was supposed to have an entire summer to convince you that we were gonna beat the odds. But you left and you didn't come back. And you didn't answer calls or text messages or voice mails where I begged you to tell me what was going on. And you did it because you thought it was what was best but you asked Kurt about me and you kept up with my life and I need to know why. What was it best for?"

"I was eighteen years old and I made a decision. I was eighteen years old and I made a decision that I have wished I hadn't had too since the moment I made it." Her voice came out in a choked whimper as they stood on opposite sides of the kitchen staring at each other

Finn gripped the counter behind him until his knuckles were white and as the questions passed his lips he wasn't even sure he wanted her to keep talking. At that moment he wasn't sure of anything anymore. "A decision for who? Who the hell were you, leaving without ever speaking another word to me until ten years later, making a decision for?"

Rachel squeezed her eyes closed as she fought away the start of tears, "I couldn't. I couldn't talk to you again. I couldn't hear your voice. I knew if I did I'd be on the first plane I could back to Lima because I loved you so much that I knew it would break me. Just like I love you right now." Her voice broke barely above a whisper as she tried to swallow her tears to make it stronger. "You were going to come here. You were going to follow me here and I knew that and it scared me. It scared the hell out me Finn because I knew why I was coming here. I was following a dream I was following something I'd always wanted but," her chest shook with silent sobs as she forced the words out. "I didn't know what you were following other than me. I couldn't see what you dream was. And it scared me."

Finn's eyes narrowed and his jaw dropped for a beat. "You!" The words boomed from his mouth in a mixture of anger and disbelief. "You! You were my dream. I didn't see myself as anything until I met you. You and a future with you; that was my dream!" He took harsh breaths through clenched teeth as he tried to fight away the pain that built in his chest. A pain composed of the emotions he'd kept buried for so long.

"That's part of your problem Finn, that's part of why you've spent all this time hiding from the world!" Rachel's words came out somewhere between a cry and plea, desperate for him to understand her actions. "You've never had your own dreams. You've never dreamed a future based on what you wanted. You had Quinn and the baby and after that you threw everything you wanted on me. And after I left you put it all into someone else again and where did it leave you other than locked in some house hiding from the world because everyone failed you?" Her tone changed. She was no longer begging him to listen, rather she was telling him to look inside himself and give her an honest answer and that fueled a burning rage inside him. They were no longer hashing out the past with tears. The way she asked him to question himself had created a battlefield.

"Fuck you!" He spit out wanting words that would make her feel the way he felt as he let the emotions flood through like a broken dam. "You don't know shit about my relationship with Alison or the last ten fucking years of my life because you walked away! You left me!" He yelled as stormed down the hallway and stopped only to slam his fist against the bedroom door frame before he began to snatch his clothes from around the room and stuff them into his bag.

Rachel flinched when he hit the door frame. The conversation had gone too far, the emotions were out of hand and all she wanted to was regain some kind of grip on everything. She closed her eyes as she tried to collect herself before she followed him into the bedroom. "Finn." Her voice was weak as she spoke his name.

"No!" He snapped back as he straightened himself up to face her. "No! Whatever you're about to say no! You don't know shit because you weren't there. You left!" He pointed his finger at her then thrust it towards the ground. "All these years and you weren't something that got taken away from me. You left and that was your choice!" He moved down and snatched the zipper on his bag closed before he harshly slung it over his shoulder.

"Finn, wait," she darted after him as he made his way to the front door. "Don't leave like this."

With his hand on her doorknob he whipped his body around to face her, his eyes cold and distant. It was the same dark expression he had when she found him hiding in a conference room at Kurt's wedding reception. "At least you know I'm leaving." His said with venom in his voice as he stormed out; slamming the door behind him.

Finn didn't let himself look back as he made his way out of her apartment building as fast as he could. He didn't look back as he hailed the first cab he could and climbed in.

"JFK." He growled out as he slung his bag onto the passenger seat beside him. The driver put the car in drive and in that moment Finn let himself look back his eyes drifting up to Rachel's window. "As fast as you can."

00000

Finn counted his steps. There were five steps up to porch on the small gray house that sat on Lilac Drive. Three steps on the porch and you were at the front door. It never changed. It never failed him. It never surprised him. Nothing about the walk to the front door asked him to question anything about the way he lived. His eyes closed as he adjusted the bag on his left shoulder and switched the plastic bag in his right hand over as he fumbled with his keys.

Once the door unlocked he pushed it opened and took a deep breath. The noise in his mind went quiet and his eyes closed in relief. He'd never had to fight with this house. It never asked him to feel something he wanted to keep bottled up. He dropped his duffle bag by the front door and walked straight up the stairs to sink into his father's old chair. And he waited. He waited for his jaw to unclench. He waited for the pain to subside. He waited for the peace to come. He waited for the emotions to fizzle down back into the place where he kept them bottled up. He waited for all these things to happen. And when they didn't he reached into the plastic bag he'd brought home for help. The glass of the bottle was cold and smooth against his fingers. He tried not to let it remind him of the way Rachel's skin had felt against them. The liquid that filled his mouth was bitter and surged his body with warmth that made him shiver and he tried to fight away the memory of how her touch made him shiver. He took another sip, and another, until he longer shivered at the sensations. All he wanted was to feel numb again and he was going to make that happen.


	10. Chapter 10

When Steve entered the living room he immediately noticed the small table was lined with empty Coors Light bottles. Upon further investigation he saw the glass from what he only could assume was from the broken bottle of Jack Daniels glued to the stainless steel sink by what appeared to be congealed stomach acid. It wasn't any worse than he expected. What _did _make it worse was that it sadly _was_exactly what Steve expected. As he reached the bottom on the staircase he was suddenly hit by the sound of music. He let out a sigh and looked over towards the front door. A lesser man would have turned and left the same way he came. Instead he made his way up the stairs his shoes echoing loudly against the hardwood floors like they were made of lead weights.

"You look like shit," he stated after he gave Finn a once over now leaning against the door frame.

Finn lifted his head from the back of the leather chair he sat in and his eyes slowly opened into narrow slits, "What are you doing here?" He groaned his words half slurred.

"Mind if I smoke?" Steve asked but didn't bother to wait for answer. Instead he quickly lit a cigarette and grabbed an empty beer bottle to collect the ashes before he sat down on the futon adjacent to Finn.

"You quit smoking when you got married." Finn slurred again as he reached to his side. "Beer." Finn held a bottle out to Steve.

"Special occasion." Steve took the bottle, opening it and taking a drink before he choked, making a sour face when he tasted the luke warm amber liquid, "How the hell do you drink these warm?"

Finn took a drink before his head tipped back against the chair again, "Stopped tasting it a while ago."

"Obviously," Steve drawled and let out a sarcastic laugh while dumping his ashes into the empty bottle. "Your brother called me. I just thought you were still in New York and figured I'd see you on Tuesday or you'd have called, but imagine my surprise when Kurt called me. He told me you'd left New York after a fight with Rachel and if I didn't go check your house and find out if you were alive he was either calling your mother or reporting you missing and sending the cops here."

"Kurt always has been a drama queen."

"Well when you don't answer your phone in a week and a half people worry," Steve said with a bit of disgust in his voice. "You gonna tell me what happened?"

Finn drunkenly shook his head in no before he lowered it dejectedly, letting his chin hit his chest. . "How is it possible for one person to make you feel so much so quickly when you've been able to push it all away for years." Finn asked, the words stumbling out of his mouth.

"Because you don't have a screw loose. You're human. And no matter how much we try _not_ to feel. No matter how much we push it away and bottle it up eventually we all have to _feel _something."

"Says the guy with the perfect life. Says the guy who has _my _life." Finn spat before bringing his warm beer back to his lips.

Steve scoffed at his words and put his cigarette into the bottle only to immediately light another. "You don't think I've never had to fight feelings away. You're _wrong_," his head bobbed forward to make a point despite Finn's closed eyes and drunken haze. "You think I wanted to fall in love with my best friend's ex-wife? You think that I actively pursued those feelings? No, I fought those with every fiber in me for as long as I could." He drew in a sharp breath then took a long drag off his cigarette to calm himself.

He refused to scream, he refused to create a scene. It would only expend more energy than he would get back and he knew that better than anyone. "I'm sorry." The monotone voice he'd been so careful to use finally cracked and his sincerity came through in his apology. "And it's about four years too late but I'm sorry I fell in love with your ex-wife. I'm sorry that while you were giving up on Alison, on me, on everything..." He stopped and gritted his teeth to maintain his control, "I'm sorry that you gave up. Because we never gave up on you. Despite everything, we _never_gave up on you. Not me, not Alison, and it is pretty fucking obvious that despite whatever bullshit teenage past you have Rachel, she never gave up on you either." He paused, swallowed hard and added pointedly, "Not even when she thought you were married." A bit of bitter disgust for Finn's current state slipped out with the last of his words. "I honestly feel sorry for the girl."

Finn's head snapped forward and his eyes darted open, "Fuck you. You don't know Rachel."

A smug smile crossed Steve's face and an air of arrogance flooded his voice, "No, but I do know _you._And at your best you want to give up. You love that girl. I don't think you ever stopped loving that girl and she made you happy and she… but you at your best," His body hunch forward and he began speaking through his teeth, "And your best is giving up because it's a hell of a lot easier to give up and not feel anything. You're lucky, not all of us get that luxury."

"Go to hell."

Steve relaxed his body and leaned back against the futon, "You know I didn't come here for Kurt."

"Then why the hell did you come? To say a bunch of shit because you think you're always right?" Finn's words were now a weapon he was using to push it all away again.

"I came to tell you I can't do this anymore." Steve said in resignation as he pressed his lips together into a tight line. He drew in a sharp breath knowing it would pain him to say what he was about to say. "You think everyone just leaves." He stated, not questioned, "You want everyone to just leave you the hell alone so you don't have to feel anything. So, I have decided, I'm going to give you what you want. We can't be friends anymore because…" he paused, hoping he had the strength to continue, but trudged forward knowing this had to be done for Finn's sake, "… friends support each other. We can be business partners or you can buy me out and I'll find a new way to support my family." He dropped the last of his cigarette into the bottle and stood up. "Because I can't support this anymore."

"Get the hell out of my house." Finn mumbled without ever lifting his head to look. If he had he would have seen that Steve was gone before the words ever left Finn's mouth. Finn squeezed his eyes closed tighter as the taste of bile filled his mouth. He wanted to take another drink and hope it would make him numb in the same way he'd been for days. He knew it wouldn't work but he was going to try again anyway. He felt around but only found empty bottles. A harsh breath escaped his lips when he finally opened his eyes and stood up to look around. It only took an instant for his eyes to zone in on the broken glass on the floor and the picture that stared up at him.

His eyes focused in, and all he saw were the smiles and a surge of emotion coursed through him. He pounded his fist to floor once. Then a second time, then a third. He pounded his fist against the floor until all he felt was physical pain. A pain he could deal with. A pain he could actually face come morning.

0000

Steve was thankful the drive home from Finn's house wasn't long which didn't give him too much time to think. If he had he was afraid that he might actually turn the car around. He sighed and rubbed his hands down his face as he walked in the front door, hanging his keys on the rack.

At the sound of his steps Alison walked out of their son's room and into the hallway. "How did it go?" She asked as she approached her husband.

The simple question made him fall apart. His face fell and before he even had the chance to fight them away the tears came as he fell into her open arms. "I had too," he sobbed against her shoulder. "I didn't know what else to do. I.. I...," his voice broken unable to finish the sentence.

"Shhhh," Alison crooned as she ran her fingers through his hairs, trying to calm him. "Shhh. I know and you did the right thing."

"I didn't want to. He's my best friend," his words were huffy as his chest shook with sobs. "I can't watch him destroy himself out of fear when he's got the chance to be happy."

"Daddy." A small hand that tugged on his pants leg caused Steve to steady himself and raise his head from Alison's shoulder. "Daddy why are you crying."

Steve cleared his throat and leaned down, "Daddy had to do something really hard tonight. Something you're too young to understand." He sniffled and pulled his son to his chest in a hug. "Something I hope you never have to understand." He said softly to himself.

"Don't be sad. It'll be okay, Daddy." Jace reached his arms around Steve's neck and hugged him tightly.

"Yeah," he swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah buddy. It'll be okay." He spoke the words not only to reassure his son but because in that moment he knew they were true. They had to be.

00000

"Well you did a number on it, but it's not broken." The doctor stated as he turned away from the hanging x-rays to face Finn. "We already bandaged it up. I wrote you a mild pain killer. Don't take it with alcohol and RICE the hand and it'll be fine it a couple of days."

Finn made a confused expression, "Rice? Like you want me to put my hand in rice?" He had always known there were some oddball medical practices but he wasn't about to willingly stick his hand in a bag of rice. Wouldn't that just hurt his hand more? "

The young ER doctor laughed loudly, "No sorry," he said with a broad smile. "Rest, Ice, Compression, which in this case is heat, and elevation. RICE . Here's your paperwork, make sure to stop at the desk on your way out and then you're free to go. If it gets worse come back and just try not to go Mike Tyson on anyone before it heals."

"Thanks," Finn replied with a nod at the doctor and slipped around the curtain. He stuffed the prescription into his pocket. If he couldn't take it with alcohol he had no intentions of filling it; drinking would do the trick just fine for him. And drinking _again_was exactly what he wanted to be doing as he stood at the front desk of the ER and impatiently waited for the clerk to finish his insurance paperwork.

"Finn? You look like hell." Said a vaguely familiar, surprised yet sure voice call out his name.

His mind couldn't move fast enough to place the voice before his head turned out of instinct. And when he saw the person attached to the voice that had called his name, well it was the last person he'd ever have expected to see and she was standing there in front of him very pregnant with her mouth hanging open in surprise. He cocked his head to the side as his eyes widened at the sight of her.

"Quinn."


	11. Chapter 11

"I knew you lived here. I just didn't know how you'd feel about me looking you up." Quinn said as she handed Finn his phone back taking a seat in the hospital cafeteria.

"How long have you been in Cincinnati?" Finn asked as he grabbed a bottle of water then sat across from her. Small talk had always been a lost art form on him but in this instance he decided to give it a try.

"Not long. Nick, my husband, he's had an internship and residency lined up here for a while but we just moved a couple of weeks ago. We're gonna be here for a while so we wanted to buy but with the baby coming and an intern's salary, well price ranges haven't worked out in our favor." She took a sip of her water before she reached down and ran her hand over her visibly pregnant stomach and shrugged. "Oh well, just a bump in the road. You have to take life as it comes at you. What about you? I missed seeing you at the reunion."

"Yeah," he swallowed and gave her a half-apologetic forced smile. "Puck and Kurt both tried to talk me into coming but somehow I didn't think I'd have anything of substance to add."

Quinn raised an eyebrow at him, "Really? You weren't just avoiding Rachel? That's what everyone seemed to think. Everyone was there except you and I have to admit those of us that didn't know were shocked when you two didn't walk in together. I think we all expected you two to ride off into the sunset after graduation and show up at the reunion with gorgeous singing and badly dancing babies. Then Kurt told me about your ex-wife, how you lost a baby. "

Finn huffed out a breath through his nose and took a long sip from his coffee cup and stared off at the wall behind her."Of course he did."

"He only told me because I asked. He also told me that you had a successful sporting goods business and bought a house and you were doing pretty well for yourself." Her words came to an awkward pause, "Why don't I believe that right now?"

"Because it's not true." He replied curtly and then with a bitter smile on his face he shifted his eyes back to hers. "But I'm sure you don't want to hear about it."

"Try me." She challenged as if the tone of her voice spoke was almost daring him to speak.

The compassionate look in her eyes gave him the encouragement to speak, as if there was nothing he was going to tell her that would surprise her. "The facts are true. I do have a business. I did buy a house. But I wasn't hiding from Rachel, at least not then," the last off his words drifted into a mumble. "I was hiding from everyone. My life's a mess. I didn't really realize it was until recently, but I know it now. It has been for a while. I don't know, there was you and the baby years ago and then Rachel left and then Alison lost our baby and I don't know somewhere along the way it just got easier to stop caring. So I did. I just gave up on everyone around me and stopped caring. It was easier than feeling. It was easier just to exist."

"What happened to your hand?" She asked as if she knew there was more to the story and gestured towards his bandaged hand.

"I started feeling again. And I didn't like it."

"Rachel?" His eyebrow lifted at her in a quizzical manner before she answered his unspoken question. "You can't take a nominee to the Tonys and not expect pictures to show up on the internet. I hope you weren't just trying to make something right." Her eyebrows rose at him.

"I wasn't." He nodded back at Quinn and let out a sigh. "I honestly felt something. _Feel_ something." His eyes closed and his face squished expressing a pain that wasn't physical. "She opened a floodgate of everything I never wanted to feel again and I didn't like it."

Quinn closed her eyes and sighed as she softly shook her head at him. "All through high school I had this need to be popular and at the top, but all I really wanted was for someone to love me. I was desperate for someone to _really_ love me and not just the façade. I think it was part of the reason I kept trying to cling on to you so hard because everyone around you loved you and I wanted to be a part of that so badly." The pressed smile on her face was bittersweet. "And I held on to that feeling for so long. I went to college and I joined a sorority chasing after that need that I never really understood. Then one day I realized that clinging to someone wasn't going to change anything, the only thing I could change was myself. I needed to love myself and have faith in myself before anyone else ever would. You know when I finally did that I realized all the love I'd always had around me." A laugh escaped through her nose and a sweet smile crossed her lips. "Six months after I realized that and I finally started to love myself and be myself and make people take me for who I was and not who I was trying to be. It was when I started accepting the love around me I met Nick. And I've never had to be anything else since. I know I don't know who you are now, but the Finn I used to know would have never given up on _anything_. And it doesn't sound me to like you just gave up on everyone around you Finn. It sounds to me like you like you gave up on yourself first. And that's the worst thing you can do because you're the only one who can change anything in your life. If you don't like the way you feel. If you don't like feeling, well, you're the only one who can change that. You can only mask it for so long."

Finn let out a breath he'd been holding in and gave her a sad half smile, and shrugged as he opened his mouth to say something only to have his words interrupted before they came out.

"There you are." A slightly familiar voice spoke from behind them.

"Nick!" Quinn's face lit up as she stood to greet the man in scrubs walking towards their table. "Finn, this is my husband Nick," she gestured out between the two men. "Nick this is an old friend of mine, Finn."

"We've met. I'm the one who bandaged up that hand. Didn't know you knew my wife Tyson," he joked and reached his hand out to shake Finn's good hand before he turned back to Quinn and kissed her cheek.

"We go back way back," Finn watched as the couple kissed, the young doctor he'd met shortly before looking at Quinn with adoring eyes as his hand slid down to her stomach before he moved in to kiss her again. "I was just keeping her company until you were free. I'll let you two have your time." He stood from the table and waved before he turned and started to walk away.

"Finn!" Quinn called out before he got to the cafeteria door. "I hope you figure it all out."

He turned and raised an eyebrow at her statement, "Figure what out?"

"When you do, you'll know." Quinn gave him a smile as if she knew a secret he didn't and it was the last thing Finn saw before he walked out of the room.  
00000

As he drove home, he tried to clear his mind, but as hard as he tried he couldn't stop Quinn's words from echoing in his head

_"When you do, you'll know."_

They were planted in his brain like a firework waiting to go off, if only he could find the fuse. He took the familiar steps to his front door and looked around at the mess. His eyes landed on the half full bottle of Jack Daniels that taunted him from the coffee table. His stomach turned, and for the first time in almost two weeks the sight of the alcohol disgusted him. His face squished and he choked back bile at the thought. The smell of stale alcohol his nose and he almost threw up, being sober was not treating him kindly. He had to make the smell go away and fast. So he started to clean and as the first round of empty bottles hit the bottom of the trash can in the kitchen he wondered how he'd ever managed to clean up after a binge before.

His eyes raised from the trash can and looked to the refrigerator covered in papers and pictures. There was no fight in him as a half smile crossed his face when it landed on a drawing of a house Jace had given him. With a thick swallow his eyes moved up to take in the center picture.

"_That was the Greek Wars, sophomore year…The three of us; we were all best friends… It was never like anyone was a third wheel…It still isn't."_

"I never had to," his voice echoed through the kitchen to bounce of the walls and resonate in his ears. He pulled the picture from it place and brought it up closer to him. His mouth fell open as he drug his hands down his face. "You dumb bastard." He said out loud as the tears began to well in his eyes. "You've never had to clean up your own mess." He slammed his eyes shut and forced the forming tears out. His jaw shook and he made a mad dash for the staircase, every mess around him but one forgotten. His breath was labored as he reached the top and dropped to his knees. He brushed the broken glass away and picked up the picture.

_"Break a leg."_

"I love you."

It felt like his throat was collapsing on him as he tried to breath. The tears fell and he didn't try to fight them. He didn't want to fight them as he felt the hot liquid roll down his face and his eyes began to burn. "You never tried." He spoke with a labored breath as he looked between the two pictures. "You never tried." He told himself and the tears fell faster bringing forth all the emotions he had buried for so long; with everything that had happened he'd never cried over any of it. And God he never expected it to feel this way. His unexpected sobs came out loud. The tears were of his own making. There was no one to blame but himself. This time he'd opened the floodgate himself and the way it was washing over him felt like release. He reached up and tugged his hands through his hair, giving it a hard pull as he let out a scream. The neighbors probably thought he was crazy but Finn no longer cared as he screamed again.

Crying felt good, screaming felt good. His tears stopped and he scoffed at himself as it all hit him. Frantically he dug in his pocket for his phone and stared at the voice mail icon on the screen. He dialed his voice mail and began to scroll through the messages. He had to erase seven from Kurt that ranged from worried to infuriated before he heard her voice.

"I don't if you'll listen to this but I have to say it. Ten years ago I did what I thought was best. And maybe that was a mistake and maybe I've lost the last chance I'll get with you because of it. But I meant what I said. I loved you, and I love you now."

He could hear the tears in her voice as he spoke. But her voice, her words, they made him smile. His eyes dropped back down to the two pictures he still held tightly in his hand.

_"When you do, you'll know."_

Then it was as if the fuse he was searching for finally lit and the firework went off. He pulled up the contact list on his phone and stared at the name on the screen for several moments. His heart raced as he hit the call button and waited for an answer.

"Hey, this is going to sound insane..."


	12. Chapter 12

a/n: Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, alerted etc. I appreciate yall sticking with it and waiting it out. I hope the ending is everything you expect and you enjoy it. And thanks to my awesome beta Jen for making the rambling coherent. You're all kinds of awesome. And I'm totally glad you offered to take on this project. As me, this story was my baby for so many reasons. It was both emotional and a joy to write. I know I have another story open and I'll slowly get around to that one. But otherwise, this is me hanging up my writers cap for a while. Thanks again for sticking it out and seriously there's better writers out there, go read them.

_Finn had been right_, Quinn thought to herself as she looked up at the quaint house on Lilcac Drive. She had initially thought he was completely insane when he'd called her and told her he'd found a house for her and her husband. And then when he told her where it was, she knew he was _really_ insane. She had already cased the neighborhood and it was well out of their price range. The gray house on Lilac Drive wasn't huge by any means. And Quinn didn't know what to expect as they took the five steps up the front porch and inside the front door. But as soon as she took a look around all she saw was the future. She saw what the living room would look like with a lighter shade of paint. She saw the way the whole house would smell the first time she cooked a meal in the kitchen; even if it did give off a bit of a depressing bachelor vibe, _all _she could see was the home it could become.

"Finn?" She called as they pushed the door open after knocking.

"Right here." He replied as he walked to the foyer from the kitchen. He quickly held his hand out to Nick's for a handshake before he leaned down and gave Quinn a quick hug. "Just like I told you, two bedrooms and one bath; which was completely renovated about three years ago, so it's all fairly new except the tub that everyone insisted stayed put. Go you guys, have a look around." He nodded at the couple as he walked back to his bedroom and began stuffing clothes into a duffle bag. He didn't want to linger around them and make them feel like he was forcing the house on them. Buyer or not, he was leaving; that he had already decided.

"This place is great. It's not too big. We've already got enough furniture to fill it and this room would be perfect for a nursery."

"It's perfect. It's… _exactly_ what we've been looking for; a place to start our life."

Finn smiled to himself as he heard their voices carry from down the stairs. He'd never thought of his office as the kind of room anyone would use for a nursery. But he'd never really made any kind of plans for the house before either. He shook his head and let out a pleased laugh to himself as he realized they were doing what you were suppose to do when you looked for a house. They were making plans for it.

"So?" He asked the couple as they made their way back down the stairs. "Do I need to list it or are we good?"

"I don't know if we can afford it man. I know what this neighborhood goes for and…"

"Quinn told me your price range, I'm trying to get rid of it not make a buck so you can afford it if you want it." He moved the duffle bag up on his shoulder and stuck his hand out again waiting for an affirming shake.

Quinn looked up to her husband and smiled broadly when he stuck his hand out to shake Finn's, "We want it." Her blonde hair blew in the breeze that crossed over the yard as she nervously bit her lip just waiting for him to change his mind at any moment as she followed him out to the front porch. "Are you sure about this?"

Finn cleared his throat and pointed to the window making a shaking motion with his hands. "The kitchen window sticks. You have to jiggle it a little if you want to get it open. And the screen door in the back needs to be replaced; it squeaks really loudly when you go in and out of it. I've been meaning to replace it for a while but just never got around to it." He gave her a nod for extra affirmation to her question. "The movers will be here tomorrow to put my stuff in storage but if there's anything you want to keep, keep it." He nodded and licked his lips as he let his eyes gaze over the front porch. "I know it's not much of a house but..."

"It's perfect." She cut his sentence off not wanting to hear what else he had to say right then. "This means so much to us, you have no idea." He could make out hints of happy tears starting to form in her eyes.

Even if he had doubts about his decision, they would have all been washed away with those tears. He was doing the right thing and not just for himself. A small chuckled left his chest as he leaned down to give her a quick hug before he threw his bag over his shoulder. "If there's any other problems you have my number, call me."

"Finn!" He had barely made it the five steps down the porch when he heard her call out his name. His head snapped around to face her. "I'm glad you figured it out. Good luck."

"You too," his voice quiet and honest as he gave her a smile and climbed into the cab that was waiting on him. He watched out the taxi window as Quinn's husband joined her on the porch and the happy couple waved at him. He wished them all the luck and happiness life could give. And she had wished him luck. He wasn't sure if luck was what he needed but he would take it because there was one more thing he needed to do before he could leave.  
00000

Finn stared through the window of the office door and watched Steve with her head buried in the paper work for a moment. He known the man long enough to know that when he lifted his head, tossed off his glasses and pinched his fingers over the bridge of his nose it meant he was frustrated and lacked focus. It was the moment Finn used as his cue to push the office door open. His bag fell to the floor with a loud thump as he leaned his body against the door frame.

Steve jumped startled by the sound of Finn's bag hitting the floor. His eyes opened quickly and he stared at Finn for a moment before his eyes drifted down to the bag. "You need something?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

Finn shrugged slightly and pressed an unsure smile at the man he considered his best friend. "A ride?"

The simple question and unsure smile let off a thousand words of an unspoken apology and for a moment the two stared at each other in silence that slowly turned into understanding. A single soft chuckle left Steve as he nodded and reached for his keys.  
0000

"For what its worth I deserved everything you said to me." Finn said breaking the silence in the car as they neared the drop off section of the airport.

"Yeah you did. But you also should have known I'd never actually turn my back on you." He pulled the car to a stop and looked at Finn. Steve could see the change in his eyes. There was a lack of certainty but behind that something he'd hadn't seen in a long, something he had once wondered if he'd ever see again. There was hope in Finn's eyes. "I just needed you to think I would."

"It's probably a few years late but thank you." There were no other words needed as Finn held his hand up and Steve clasped it to pull him into a quick hug before Finn collected his bag from the back seat and got out of the car.

Before he was three steps out of the car Steve quickly rolled the passenger side window down, "Finn!" He called out and waited for him to turned around, "Don't take this the wrong way but I sincerely hope I never live down the street from you again."

The two men exchanged smiles for an instant, before Finn nodded and Steve waved, and then rolled the window up as Finn took a deep breath and turned around to disappear into the airport. He still wasn't sure luck was what he needed but he'd take it.

000  
Finn quickly pushed his way through the airport and got into the first cab he could find outside. He let out a deep breath and tried to calm his racing thoughts as he looked out the window. Both times he'd been to New York he'd left heartbroken. _This time was different_, he told himself as he took in the city around him. This time was different because this time he wasn't leaving. His heart was pounding is his chest as they driver turned down Rachel's street and when he caught a glimpse of her making her way to her apartment it stopped beating altogether.

Finn choked back the lump in his throat and pointed at the sidewalk. "Let me out right here!" He said and jumped out of the cab so fast he almost forgot to pay the driver and get his bag. By the time he managed to collect himself she was almost to her door.

"I should have followed you!" Finn yelled out to her before she got out of ear shot. He waited with baited breath as she stopped in her tracks and slowly turned around, a clear look of disbelief on her face. "Ten years ago I should have followed you. And I didn't. I didn't even try. I just gave up. It was the first mistake I made in a long line of giving up. And I can't take back the years. I can't make everything right but I can make this right. I was pissed at you when I left but I should have been pissed at myself." He blew out a breath and took small steps until he reached her. His hand moved down to take a hold of hers and he tried to collect his thoughts even for them to make sense. "I gave up on myself and I built these walls around me. I told you that my house was a place where I could go and there was just peace. But it wasn't peace, it was numbness. It allowed me not to feel anything. It was a prison and I never even realized that until you came along. Rachel you made me feel alive again and it scared the hell out of me because I wasn't supposed to ever feel that way again. So I ran. I ran so I could just lock it all away again." His face twisted up with his painful confession to her and he tightened his grip on her hand.

Rachel's eyes drifted down as she felt Finn take hold on her hand. "Was?" She whispered and looked back up to his eyes.

A half smile crossed his lips as he realized her question, "I sold my house."

"You sold your house for me?" Her voice soft and unsure as she spoke.

"No. I sold it for me. I can't keep locking myself away in some self made prison. I can't go through life without feeling anymore." He blinked his eyes tightly closed for a moment and let out a harsh breath. "I don't want to feel numb anymore. I don't want to feel the way I felt before you came back into my life anymore. I can't just keep giving up. I've loved you since I was sixteen year old and I'm not giving up this time. I refuse to ever give up again. So I'm here. I'm homeless and I don't have a damn clue what I'm going to do in New York. I sold my house for me, but I'm here because I love you."

Rachel's lips were pressed firmly together as she tried to hold the emotions in. It sounded almost as if a sniffle broke through as she reached up and ran her hand down his face. She closed her eyes and fought back tears as she traced her fingers down his face.

"I'm not giving up." He repeated unable to read her face as she unwillingly let the tears fall from her eyes. "If you want me to go..."

His word were cut off mid sentence as Rachel grabbed his face in her hands and crushed her lips onto his in a kiss that did more than just light his body on fire. "Stay." She whispered against his lips. "I told you before stay forever if you want to and we'll hole up safe in our own walls that we built and when you have to face the world outside you can face it with me."

"Does that mean I'm not homeless?" Finn pulled his face from hers and smiled down as she softly shook her head and started to pull him in the direction of her apartment.

00000

"Rachel, I brought Monday night dinner!" Kurt announced as he let himself in her front door. The bags of take in his hand hit the floor as his eyes went wide and he shrieked.

"Kurt! No!" Rachel and Finn yelled as they scrambled to untangle their limbs and cover their bodies with a blanket from the couch.

"Not again!" Kurt yelled as he slammed the front door behind him. "You're seriously paying for my therapy!"

"He's going to have to learn to knock," Finn buried his head into Rachel's shoulder and laughed against her skin. "We're never hearing the end of it."

"And hopefully we'll never have too." Rachel whispered as she pulled Finn's face from her shoulder and softly kissed him.

There wouldn't be five steps up to his front door anymore. He would take an elevator instead. And his window wouldn't over look a yard and kids getting on a school bus. Now he'd see a sidewalk and people going in all directions. He couldn't say he wasn't going to miss the routine, but he would make a new one. Because now when he came home he wouldn't be closing his door and locking out the world. He'd be coming home to the one person who had made him want to see the world again.

~fin


End file.
